Hoarder

Some dude on the train on Thursday claimed he bought 10 blank, 10-ride tickets for Oshawa to Union.

He spent $732.50 to avoid spending an extra $3 on the new 10-ride price of $76.25, up from $73.25. Sure he's saving $30 but how many people are in a position to drop that kind of dough up front? To save $3 a week?

Maybe he'll be eating rice everyday and washing his socks in the toilet but at least he saved $3 a ticket.

Garlic

I spent the last 35 minutes of a 65 minute train ride to Oshawa last night listening to a guy on his cell talking about his missing tooth & the garlic clove he shoved in the hole because, and I quote, "It was the closest thing to a tooth", he could find.

Pole dancer

I'm watching this Anne of Green Gables look-a-like adjust her back, legs and arms using the passenger stability pole.

In the back of my mind, Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard, begins to play.

Here's a visual:

Magic Leprechaun

This woman is distressed that this train is not express to Oshawa. She's convinced she took it last week. THERE IS NO OSHAWA EXPRESS! You need to take your magic leprechaun back to the store, lady!

Awww

Hi, my name is blonde girl with severely plucked eyebrows AND a pink BlackBerry. I'm going to sit next to you and talk real loud being sure to say the word 'Awww' at the end of EVERY SENTENCE!

Craptastic parking

I snapped this photo this morning after the driver of this Chevrolet Malibu sedan backed into this space - loosely - and then bolted from the car, sprinting across the parking lot towards the ticket office. I don't know what his hurry was. It was only 7:30 and the train leaves at 7:55.

It may be hard to tell from the photo but if you look closely at the perspective of the other parked vehicles in that row, it should be obvious how much further back he should have parked.

It's super he wants to straddle two spots to protect the doors of his car but his parking job defeats the purpose of damage prevention when a driver in a Ford one-tonne pickup tears off his grill because his Malibu's halfway out into the aisle.

A+ (for stupidity)

Porn

On the 10:13 out of Union. Two rows over is a dude on a laptop who was watching porn until he saw me watching him watching porn. Please, continue ...

Camera

I promise to use my cellphone camera more. I just struggle with the ethics surrounding taking pictures of people without permission. So, I guess if I put a square over the eyes, it makes it better?

$272.25

My expectations of GO Transit and the Gong Show that is usually the morning commute has increased three-fold now that I have learned it will now cost me $272.25 for a monthly pass.

Drunk

Roll into Oshawa on the 8:13 train. Two drunks stumble out & stagger to van. Both get in. I call 911. Told to stall them by asking for directions & creating a distraction. 8-9 minutes later a cruiser shows up & finds us in the lot. I say the cops are here & the friend bolts from the van. The driver fumbles to start the van & proclaims, "The cops?! I better get outta here. I shouldn't be driving!" Drama. I has it.

Flatulence

The woman next to me on the 6:43 express train to Rouge Hill just coughed and blew a massive fart at the same time. No, you stay in your seat lady and cook your dutch oven. I don't want to smell what you've been baking... that's right ... you stay.

Bag

I'm going to beat this woman with her own bag if she jams it into my head one more time. I realize there are no seats left in this train but have you seen the size of some of these Coach monstrosities?! It's luggage. Put it down!

Three hens

These are three ladies who can't shut up. Ever. Listen for the cackle.

Fat

Don't sit next to me fat man. Share the wealth elsewhere. Ya, that's right... you go sit over there. I have enough wealth, thank ya very much.

Shut Up

I'm sharing a train compartment with several other riders who, like myself, are plotting how we can toss this woman from Whitby off the train because she WON'T SHUT UP. So far we've learned her cat's been neutered, she supports the TTC, her kid sucks at karate, her washer broke, she feels bad for the air force and tonight, she's making pasta.

Skunk

The guy sitting next to me on the train smells like skunk. Super.

Update> By the time we pulled into Union Station, the guy in front of me had resorted to breathing through his blackberry case, I had wrapped my scarf around my head and the people behind us held a discussion about tomato juice and that incident at the cottage with the dog ... and STILL the guy didn't get it.

Owl

The guy next to me's iPhone's ring tune is the sound of an owl hooting. He probably thinks it's cute. One day, a hawk will swoop down and take his iPhone, than he'll realize ... oh yes ... then he'll realize ...

Air Drummer

I'm riding the crazy train with a white Oshawa-type dude in a hoodie (even has the business in the front/party in the back look totally nailed) who thinks he's the best air drummer on the planet!