Lobster dinner

Submitted by Kendra (via text message to 9054420352)

Last night, I was on the 10:13 train from Union Station heading to Pickering and there was this couple near me who had takeout boxes stacked on the seat beside them.

Around Danforth the woman opened one of the takeout boxes and hunched over in her seat to eat some left-over lobster. She was using her hands to break the shells of the claws, and her teeth, and there was lobster meat flying everywhere.

Her boyfriend proceeded to the do the same thing with another takeout box and loudly sucked lobster meet from the claws. When he tried to break open the tail, it slipped from his hands and landed on the floor under a seat. He got up to grab it and he took a water bottle from the lady's bag and rinsed off the tail. At least he did this over the container and he went back to eating it.

Finally I figured I would take a photo of this hot mess with my phone but the guy caught me trying to angle my phone and he actually asked me if I was taking a picture of him. I got very nervous and told him I was trying to get a signal. He looked at me and asked me flat out if I have a problem with people eating on the train. This was getting too confrontational for me so I said no and went back to quickly reading my book.

Sorry I couldn't get a photo. You weren't kidding when you said people treat the space around them on the train like their personal living room.

Alkee-hawl

I'm on the 5:20 which is supposedly the train of 'zee classy peepull' but, er... the young guy across from me is swigging from a bottle wrapped in an LCBO brown bag and this Batman aka Adam West look alike, who smells like he crawled out of the other dude's bottle, is sawing logs. In my ear.

Perhaps I should move.

Living room?

I am sure many are familiar with people who treat a quad like it's their living room with newspapers spread out and hats and bags occupying seats. Then rather than clear the clutter, they wait until a crowd shows up (Ajax) and act like they're being inconvenienced because people stand and patiently wait for them to remove their crap.

Le sigh.

If someone did this next to me, I'd slap the polish off their toes

Submitted by Amanda

Text message dilemma

Hey, I'm just pullin into Stouffville....there's a woman with a large brown stain on her white pants right at the crack of her ass.....what's your protocol for this? Do you tell the person? Should I take a photo?
From Micah

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No. Don't send me photos like that.

I'm not usually one to stare at a person's butt so I'm not clear on what you mean by protocol. It's not like I'd suddenly bust out a Tide pen and start writing on a person's behind.

Personally, if it was me, I'd like for people to pretend that they're suddenly blind and let me deal with it when I got home.

Love notes

About a month ago, I made a decision to include my mobile number (9054420352) on this blog so readers could send me texts and picture messages. It's worked out beautifully except for one person who sent me some "sext" messages yesterday.

For your amusement, I've reposted the exchange below.

Sexter-> Hi u there?

Me -> Hello, how can I help you?

Sexter -> Is this CJ?

Me -> Yep. What's up?

Sexter -> Are u on the train?

Me -> As a matter of fact, I am. Are you?

Sexter -> Yes. going to Whitby. I took the 5:10 from Union.

Me - > Cool. You gotta story for me?

Sexter -> Are u on 5:10

Me -> I could be. Why?

Sexter -> What do you look like?

Me -> I'll never tell.

Sexter -> C'monnnn. I'm on the srd coach. I'm wearing black pants and pink-tank with a white camisole. Come sit wid me.

Me -> Er ...

Sexter -> I can do things with my hands that only u could feel

Me -> You mean like a massage?

Sexter -> Yes

Me -> Can I bring friends?

Sexter -> Only you ... this is a one on one offer

Me -> But you don't know what I look like. I could be ugly.

Sexter -> u have a great sense of human. There's no way ur ugly.

Me -> Well my grandma tells me all the time how great looking I am, I guess that counts. And I am 'human'.

Sexter -> Ooops sry, u know what I mean ...

Sexter -> Are you horny?

Me -> On a train?!

Sexter -> I can make u feel better. I have blonde hair and I'm 27.

Me -> That's very appealing but ...

Sexter -> Are u scared?

Me - > No, but I am a woman.

The "sexts" stopped coming after my last reply.

Sounds super but...

Sending me sexts telling me you like a man with a sense of "human" and what you'd do to me if we were on a train alone has been highly amusing.

There's just one problem. Although I am "human", I'm also a woman.

408 charges for stealing your metal

Well, I can put the jar of vaseline away now that the po-po have caught the people responsible for teefing catalytic converters from vehicles parked at various GO stations.

Praise Christmas baby jesus.

Here's the news story over at CP24.

Thanks to Dan for the link.

Thank you!

I am flattered people take the time to read, comment and send in submissions.
If you're new here, welcome!

I try to dial up the crazy five times a week and just when I think the ride's going to come to a grinding "we have track congestion going into Union Station" halt, I get an email (cj@thiscrazytrain.com) or a text message (9054420352) that gets this blog back on track.

Bieber-fever

on sat nite i got to ride the LE home with a group of tweens and their parents after the justin bieber concert at the acc.

i, and many others, were subjected to an in-depth conversation about what they liked most about justin bieber and what each of them would do if they dated him.

suddenly, these 2 construction-type guys chimed in and one screams at the girls, saying: "he's a fag!", "he's a pole-licker!" and "fudge-packer!" and they both laugh out loud.

these girls were ages 9-12. they all immediately stopped talking. one looked like she wanted to cry but there was this 1 girl who got up, marched over, got right into this guy's face and told him to mind his own business and to grow up and not be so hateful. turns out she has 2 daddies and didn't appreciate the homophobic remarks.

the four parents who were chaperoning these girls (there were 6 of them) ushered them all onto another car.

i was proud of that girl ...

i'm one of her daddies.

from paul. d. in whitby

Submitted by text message to 9054420352

Barefoot may be best but ...

Not on a public train. Gross. I don't even know where her shoes are!

Submitted by Amanda to cj@thiscrazytrain.com
Burlington. 4:47 pm

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Amanda has more to share with us. Stay tuned!

What the hell?

A foot rider, a bag rider and a foot rider apparently blown clear off the train because I don't see a body attached to those shoes.

---

This dirty turnip put the shoes he's wearing on the seat, his backup pair on the other seat and added bags for good measure.

Awesome!

Submitted by text message to 9054420352

Is it the safety circle?

Why are we so afraid to have our elbow touch another person's arm?

The woman sitting next to me this evening was taking great pains to position her arm away from me. It looked incredibly uncomfortable, so I moved.

Crazy moment shout out ...

To the lady cleaning the toe jam from her toes this morning on the Lakeshore East.
Would you like some peanut butter with that?

Submitted by text to 9054420352 from J.L.

Rough weekend

For the guy in front of me waiting to exit the train.

The back of his neck and down to where his skin disappears under his shirt is covered in scratches.

Finger-nail scratches.

(Cough)

Hey big rude dude

Did you think I forgot about what happened 2 weeks ago? [Background post]

Nope. Not a chance.

I'm not one to hold a grudge but when I saw you this morning, sitting there reading your Metro newspaper, looking half-awake, I knew I had to give you a good dose of Karma. You looked like you really, really wanted a *quiet* ride.

It's healthy for you, ya know ... good ol' Karma.

So I called my husband, who I knew would be on one of the green cutting machines at his job at a golf course, which meant I would have to yell into my phone so he could hear me. (The train wasn't full yet, nor moving.)

Oh I saw you throw me a look, you big rude dude, as I told my husband in great detail the mundane tasks I performed this morning. (Honey, if you're reading this, I know you had no clue why I was having such a conversation with you since I never phone to bore you with such details).

And although I was shaking, because I'm not a mean person or one who thrives on confrontation, because it was clear you didn't recognize me (yet), I asked you pointedly to turn down your iPod so I could hear my husband. And still, you said nothing but you did what I asked (!).

You chicken-poo. Funny how so many of these train bullies only grow a pair (and are rude) when they're in a group.

Le sigh.

Bless you. Not

Got sneezed on today.
Right in the face.

Customer appreciation?

Contributed by Tom W.

This morning was customer appreciation day at Whitby station, which included handouts of a free GO Transit branded goodie bag. The bag contained (amongst other things) sugar-free mint flavoured gum and a roll of mints.
Is GO dropping hints about commuters' morning breath?

---

Good question, Tom. The promotions people at GO must be closet halitophobics or they assume we are. See video. Apparently there's a toilet brush for tongues. Imagine if GO got a hold of these puppies ...

Overheard

There's two ladies near me bashing people they work with. Apparently one of them started a fight by leaving sticky notes on the fridge about someone who had stolen her lunch, specifically a cheese sandwich. A co-worker, trying to be funny, had written that it was delicious under her note and asked she make more. She's going on and on how rotten and childish it was of this co-worker to do that and how immature it is for other people in her department to have laughed at the note. She has spent the last 20 minutes on this topic. She's absolutely enraged, not at someone having eaten her lunch, but that a co-worker wrote on her note.

Now they're hashing a plot about how to get back at this co-worker. There's talk of unplugging the person's mouse so he thinks it's broken. They find this quite funny, actually.

Good lord ...

Banana ink

I'm on the 11:13 going towards the Shwa.
There's a man on the second car, upper level, about 45 years old or so, who is painting letters on the glass of the window near him with pieces of banana. I can't take a picture with my phone as my plan doesn't allow me to send photos, but it looks like he's writing: I hate fat chicks.

Now he's taken off his shirt and trying to clean the window with it. Now he's spitting on it.

I'm moving cars now.

- Submitted by (number withheld) via text message to 9054420352

Paging Dr. MacGyver

This woman standing near me gave herself a paper cut while reading the TO Night newspaper tonight on the 5:10. I was sitting sideways on an outside seat and when I wasn't looking, she smeared her blood on my headrest. I don't know if this was planned or accidental. What I do know is that it was friggen gross.

She couldn't rip a page out of the newspaper and use it as a makeshift bandage? Has she never seen MacGyver?!

Needs me some toe-baccky

Several months ago I witnessed something one morning that shocked, awed and disgusted me all at once. Similar to a nun's reaction to watching a Lady Gaga video.

And I've been meaning to mention it but I keep forgetting.

While waiting for the train to leave Oshawa, I watched the guy sitting across from me pull out a tin of what I thought was shoe polish at the time. I looked away for a few seconds and when I looked back, I only caught what looked like he had snorted a chunk of shoe polish.

I was so repulsed that I texted my husband who wrote back that it was probably tobacco and that this wasn't uncommon when smoking is impossible.

Never. I could never ever imagine having to resort to this. I'm addicted to food but I can't ever imagine there would be a day when I would resort to snorting a cheeseburger, small fry and a coke up my nose if chewing it wasn't an option.

I still have nightmares. Click here if you want them too.

Butt crack butterfly

Of the sweaty variety.

The dude across from me just got up to exit at Pickering.

He left a nice inkblot on his seat. He also shouldn't be wearing green shorts.

- Thanks to Tyler H. for the submission texted to 9054420352

I'm no 411

I'm on the 5:20.
My kid is reading quietly.
I'm reading quietly.

So why is this white-haired woman, dressed in pink with a matching pink purse, staring me down like I'm the phone book and she's trying to get a number?

Public Service Announcement

Brought to you by:
Mr. Moloko

Here's an interesting photo I took a few years ago. Let it serve as a reminder to those who like to cut crossings why it's deadly to do so.

There's a grade crossing in Brampton just west of the station that commuters need to cross to get to one of the parking lots. Often people cross while the gates are down, before or after their GO train passes. In the photo shown, the GO train has just departed, but there's a CN freight train sneaking up on the crossing from the other direction, hidden by the GO train.

This is usually when people would start to cross and it was luck nobody did!

Cue eyeroll

Oh yeah, I used to be like you.
The minute a kid got on with mom or dad, I'd roll my eyes and sigh and patiently wait for the circus to begin.
On my day off and for my trip into Toronto to visit Centre Island, I purposely took the Oshawa 8:25 to avoid the before-9 crowd but here's the thing. Years ago, my five year old daughter was abducted by aliens and they replaced her with the eerily obedient kid I have now.
So don't feel bad for rolling your eyes, some kids deserve it like the blonde toddler who screamed, 'CHOO CHOO!' all the way to Union.

Good times.

Riding with the kid

Monday I get to be one of "those people".

I have Monday off and I am taking my five year old on the GO train so we can hit Centre Island for the day.

But here's the thing, my kid is creepily obedient. You would swear she was 89 years old because she's the calmest kid in public and very content to sit and make small talk.

However, it's been over a year since she's been on a train ride with me. Who knows? Sh*t could hit the fan.

The ignorance in our midst

Submitted by Kirkley

I am a support worker for individuals with special needs and thought I would share this "lovely" story with you.

I boarded the GO bus in Newmarket last week to go to Union station. My client and and I sat at the front of the bus. Almost immediately after the bus departed from the terminal a fellow rider decided to very loudly express his great dislike for my handicap friend. Every time she spoke he would loudly exclaim, "f*ck me" or "Jesus Christ", among other rude remarks.

He even yelled out to people on the bus at one point asking, "Does anyone have some f*cking earplugs? This goddamn girl hasn't shut the f*ck up since she got on the bus".

It was beyond rude. When the bus driver was pulling into Union he even made a point to get out of his seat early, make his way to the front of the bus, stare at her with a look of total disgust before saying, "f*ck man" and making his way of the bus.

The bus take thes 404 and DVP so once it gets going there really is no escape, it's not like I could very well say to the bus driver, "Excuse me sir could you let us out here, I think we will catch the next bus."

It was quite possibly the most brazen display of rudeness I have ever seen and I was actually deeply upset by having to listen to someone disrespect my friend like that for close to an hour.

I was unable to confront him because I didn't wish to have a major issue while with my client or draw attention to the fact that he was being such a dick to her when she was in fact completely unaware.

I know that perhaps her talking may have annoyed some people on the bus, but she does have a right to speak. Other people with average intellectual capacity carry on conversations, some much more distasteful than the simple chatter she and I were sharing.

---

When I got this email it made my blood boil. I don't know how I would have reacted but people like that man deserve a slap across the face.

Care Bear Stare

One of the immature onions from my failed train tell-off fiasco from two weeks ago is currently seated right across from me, having gotten on at Ajax. Recognizing me, she concentrated solely on shoving her iPod headphones into her ears in an effort to avoid me. So I stare.

Coward.

I can see you!

Crazy train reader rider Marion C. sent this photo in. It's a difficult shot because she's trying to capture a digital pic through four panes of glazed glass but it's a dirty turnip with her feet on the seat and a bag on the seat next to her.

I know, it's hard to see her. So I drew a chalk outline.

And her bag.

Ahhh, now you see the turnip. Dirty foot rider. Cue the song! "Mrs. Bag Rider ... "

Silky smooth

The man across from me has absolutely no hair on his legs. Plus, they're so smooth-looking that they're shiny.

I can't stop staring.

Hoofed

This morning, after a terrible night of not being able to sleep, I fell asleep on the train somewhere after Pickering - something I rarely, rarely do.

You know that sensation of falling one will sometimes experience while dozing off? Yeah, that happened to me. And my leg shot out and I kicked this woman standing near me right in the shin. HARD. I also startled myself awake.

I was so embarrassed. I apologized profusely and got up and told her to sit. I insisted she sit. Then I left the coach and went to another because I was being stared at.

I guess it beats naming your kids after Twilight characters ...

On the train this morning a mother with two kids, a boy and girl, kept addressing them as Hercules and Zeena (Xena?). All three were on their way to Union to go to Centreville for the day on Centre Island. I know this because young Hercules fist-pumped the air every 5 minutes and shouted, "Centreville, yeah!"
Which was followed by his sister proclaiming she was going to drive the "olden day cars!"
Which was followed by the mother yelling, "Hercules, Xena - shut up!"

Good times.

Invest in some gum

There's nothing worse than inhaling someone's garlic breath because you don't want to sacrifice your seat.

Who eats garlic bread for breakfast? I don't know what else can cause someone to stink so bad. Is there a garlic toast cereal I don't know about?

I'm actually impressed by how stubborn I am. I won't budge. I paid to sit here, dammit.

Mind the gap

I get a kick out of the people who walk through the train to reach the first car and attempt to keep going once in the first car.
Just watched a man attempt to detach the security bar when a rider asked him if he planned to drive the train since there's no more coaches to walk through.

It takes a lot of courage to speak up

The ride home last night on the 4:53 was 'reedonkeylous' <- This is a new word of mine. Feel free to throw it around.

On the first coach, at the most eastern end near the doors stood a group of 7 people who spent the entire trip to Pickering forcing their laughter and conversation onto the rest of us. The rest of us being those who were trying to relax, read, work a crossword puzzle and doze off.

I'm not a prude. I don't expect silence and that's not realistic nor fair. What I do expect is some simple manners and common courtesy. Shouting, screaming, hysterical laughter and swearing are best suited for a bar patio, not the confines of a train.

Once at Pickering, the obnoxiousness displayed by this group rose to such a stupid level of rudeness that I forced myself to say something. I spoke up and kindly asked if they could keep it down as some people are trying to unwind, sleep and read.

Judging by the reactions of those around me, I could tell no one was surprised I spoke up and seemed almost relieved someone had said something but I put myself out there and got my ass handed to me on a platter by one of the taller men in the group - a man I see almost everyday in the mornings. He yelled at me and said "it ain't gonna happen." Then he and the rest of his train buddies proceeded to talk loudly and of course, I became the topic of their conversation. There were a lot of cheap shots directed at me but I chose to remain quiet and focused on looking out the window.

Sensing my discomfort, a few riders around me quietly thanked me for speaking up and told me this particular group of people behave like that every night.

I'm happy people are glad I spoke up but it would have been nice if I had more support verbally. Perhaps if these same people would have also expressed their annoyance alongside mine, I wouldn't have felt so vulnerable and uncomfortable. I realize most of us stay quiet to avoid confrontation but there's nothing wrong with a united front.

I can dish it and take it but when you ride a train with people you see daily, you really have to pick your battles carefully and this was a battle I felt was warranted.

I don't regret saying something, it had to be said.

What I don't like is I've now put myself out there and am now a target for further harassment.

I remember a time when people respected each other and if I was being loud and asked to quiet it down, I would apologize and correct my behaviour.

There's no more kindness left in the world for some. For many, it really does seem it's all about them and everyone else can just screw off.

Park how I want to

A reader sent me a picture message (@ 9054420352) of this fantastic parking job at the Oshawa GO parking lot this morning.

Apparently this person parks how they want to completely ignorant to the fact that others also need to park. Hugging another spot and preventing another person from parking there is inconsiderate. If you can't take the time to park correctly, perhaps you need to take the bus or re-learn how to back into a parking spot correctly.

Thieves!

Mike C. told me about an incident at the Oshawa GO lot today where a guy had his catalytic converter sawed off of his Oldsmobile Bravada's exhaust pipe.

That's right. Some a-hole literally crawled under this man's car and sawed off a crucial piece of his car's exhaust system costing the owner over $1200 for a new one.

I've warned you all that criminals will siphon gas from your parked car and now they will remove car parts to sell them for scrap.

Beware. There are jerks in our midst.

Results of the June/July poll questions

I asked:

June/July Poll: What's the worst GO Train commuter behaviour?

50 of you responded with:

Eating smelly food 12 (24%)

Talking loudly on mobile phones 23 (46%)

Snoring 1 (2%)

Forcing a conversation onto others 4 (8%)

Using seats for belongings 4 (8%)

Using seats as foot stools 4 (8%)

Loud music 2 (4%)

Charging down the aisles 0 (0%)

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I knew I wasn't alone with the smelly food but really? No one thought charging down the aisles warranted at least 1 vote?

A facefull of bum makes the medicine go down, medicine go down

The guy across from me hasn't been doing a good job of hiding his disgust over the fact that the guy standing next to him keeps delivering a face full of bum everytime the train rocks from side to side.

Don't climb over me, thanks

Submitted by Lily S.

Not so much of a story but I guess a bit of a rant.

I can't understand the people who sit in an empty row of seats on the train and instead of sliding in towards the window, they maintain their position in the aisle seat. Now this doesn't pose much of a problem on empty trains or off-peak hours, but there's been numerous times I've seen when the train gets full and there's people standing all around while the lone empty window seat remains unoccupied, all the while the aisle seat elitist appears to not have a clue as to what's going on.

Move Over.

Don't make me crawl over you to sit down.

Move Over.

Or at least get up to let someone get into the window seat.

Additionally, what happens to people's basic etiquette on the train? When I happen to be seated in an aisle seat (and of course there's someone seated in the window seat) and the window seat occupant's stop arrives, more times than not, instead of a polite "excuse me", "out please" or even "move" all I get is the person pressing his/her body into mine alerting me that they want out. Perhaps I should become the reverse "aisle seat elitist" and instead make people climb over me to get out.

S'up

So did you enjoy your long weekend? Were you one of those who didn't buy an August pass before today?

No, I'm not going to say anything as I've done it myself but at least I come to the station early so I don't risk missing the train as I wait for the line to snake its way to the counter.

My beef is with the people who show up two minutes before the train leaves and hurl abuse at anyone in their way because they're panicked they won't have their pass purchased in time to make the train.

Awww, too bad. There's no one to blame for your tardiness except yourself. Don't take your frustrations out on others by shoving people aside as you make your way onto the train with seconds to spare.

That kind of behaviour deserves a judo chop across the back of the leg but I won't do it. Because I don't like jail.

Dirty linebackers.