Happy Halloween, you dirty turnips

Glad to see the Twitter thing is really working out

Considering it's almost November and all.

Perhaps someone told the person expected to monitor this account that their iPhone is like an Etch-A-Sketch and you have to shake it if you want to upload anything.

Disabled person asks drivers who abuse use of accessible parking spots at GO Stations to stop

None of these vehicles parked in the marked disabled parking spots at the Oshawa GO Train Station had permits, writes Oshawa woman

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Good morning!
I found your website while looking for information about GO parking enforcement. What a fabulous website and I'm happy I found it because I think your readership needs to hear from me.

I have celebral palsy. When I was a child, I used to pray to God every night he would fix my body so I could walk straight, talk without a lisp and run like my friends (the very few that I had). That, of course, never happened. But I did meet a wonderful man who accepted me for who I am and because he chauffeurs me around, we are privileged to have a disabled parking permit for our car.

Friday evening, we parked at the Oshawa GO lot to catch a train to Toronto to attend a function downtown.

As I waited in the car for my husband to buy the tickets before coming back to help me out, I was surprised at how many disabled parking spaces there were and how many were occupied by drivers who were just sitting in these cars. Then a train arrived and all these people coming out of the gate began to walk towards these cars (most of these people were young and very able) and climbed in and off the cars drove away.

I was furious. Those spots are not park and rides! When my husband came back to our car I asked him to go to the cars still idling and tell me how many of them had permits. He came back to tell me none.

Shame. Shame on you all who do this. There is a waiting area and drop off and pick up area right near the station entrance. I could see it from where I was. That's where you are supposed to go.

Then, as we waited for our train to arrive, we saw a small sedan pull up with three young people inside and the driver parked right in a clearly marked disabled spot. No sticker. After five minutes, two young people climbed out to take the same train as us and the driver left.

My husband took photos with his phone that I have shared with you.

As my husband pushed me in my wheelchair to the train, I stared at these two young people as they walked and laughed on their way to the train.

I am 64 years old. There was a time when this country was not accessible to me. When I could not go see a movie because my parents could not fit my wheelchair into the theatre.

I have made the best of my situation.

I pity the ignorance and selfishness of today's youth. You have not had to fight for anything but you so easily take advantage of what I, in my youth fought for, without so much as a thank you.

These spots are there to make my life more accessible. Not for you to shorten your walk.

Isabelle Lampion
Oshawa

Foot fail

Original here

Do as I say but not as a I do

Submitted via a text to 9054420352

hi. just a quick story. i'm heading home early and coicindentally am sitting near a woman who i actually see most nites. this is a woman who likes to lecture her train buddies about the perils of eating fast food, specifically mcdonalds. what do you think she's wolfing down at the moment? Bingo! and with fries too!!! hypocrisy. she has it!

Your Dog. Your Poop

Bring it home with you, you donkey!!!

From: Sara B.
Sent: Fri 29/10/2010 8:42 AM
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com

I was gonna do a shout out but what I want to say is just too long and nasty and the story about the guy who wrote about his farting is nothing compared to the lady on the LSE 8:13 train last night with a small, black, poodle-type dog.

I'm sorry I don't have a camera phone but just before Whitby, her dog, which had been sitting on the seat next to her, jumped down and proceeded to get into "the position". Then, in front of myself and the other 12 or so people on that level, her dog defecated. ON THE TRAIN. Did she not think to make it go outside of Union?

She was talking to the dog like an idiot. Praising it and calling it "baby". (roll eyes) She didn't even acknowledge how grossed out I was or even apologize. She took some tissue from her purse, picked it up and THREW IT in one of those side garbages near the seats meant for disabled people.

I couldn't take it anymore so I scolded her. Does she not carry poop bags? Does she realize that's shit? Dog shit with bacteria and that it smells? She said she didn't want to waste a poop bag. How the hell do you waste a poop bag? isn't that what it's for???!

This woman was arrogant and self-indulgent. I don't even know why her dog was on the train as it wasn't a service dog. She could see and hear just fine.

I can still see the outline from the poo on the floor in my head. Some people really think the world is only about them.

A message for the dirty turnips

The couple with their shoes on the train seats
From: Krystal B.
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Fri, Oct 29, 2010
6:46 AM

To the couple on the stoufville line that takes the 6:15 to union please have some class, take your nasty shoes off the seat for once! People have to sit there!!!! And yes I'm talking about you, the guy with the yellow tinted sunglasses and your Asian wife or who ever she is!

Fandelerious. What? Like you don't make up your own words?

Text message from anonymous to 9054420352 tonight at 8:33pm

---

At first, I wasn't going to bore you all with the whole transcript but this person did ask a question that a lot people ask. This isn't an exciting exchange and contains no sex, explosive farting or obscenity.

All reading from henceforth is strictly voluntary so don't whine about the lack of funny or I'll shut the whole site down, pick up my ball and go home.

---

FAN: omg. you're site is hilarious.

thanks! i think you meant 'your' site

FAN: you mean your site

exactly

FAN: i love it

and i love it when people use perfect grammar!

FAN: oops. did i type something wrong?

yes, you said "you're" site

FAN: ohhhhh. my bad

FAN: grammer nazi!!!

what's a grammer nazi?

FAN: u don't know!? it's someone who is strict with spelling

guess i shouldn't mention you spelled grammar wrong

FAN: i did?!

yep

FAN: don't make this awkward

why do you say that?

FAN: are you on the train now

as a matter of fact, yes

FAN: i'm at work

(long pause)

sooo... what's for dinner? anything interesting?

FAN: sorrry. my phone rang. well one thing that's not for dinner is beef and bean nachos. why do you ask?

lol. figured i would try to make things "awkward"

FAN: so do people really write you or do you make stuff up sometimes???

shit, you mean, i was just imagining you all this time?

FAN: bad question then ...

i get asked that a lot. i don't have enough time to make up content. trust me. however, i do need more amusing and obscure texts. tell your friends!

Seek and you shall find

From the site logs:

Click image to enlarge

If you push it, it *will* come

Learn from the errors of my ways

From: Jay X.
Sent: Wed 27/10/2010 10:42 PM
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Hi CJ

I thought about writing a shout out, or "shout put" depending on the grammatical capabilities of the person writing at the time, but then I came across your site while looking for the website for the shout out paper and felt my story was better suited for your site - which is hilarious and informative all at the same time.

Friday night, I was on the 17:53 LSE to Whitby. Throughout the day on Friday we had been entertaining some Hong Kong clients. At the pub we took them to for lunch, I ordered a large bean and beef nacho plate thinking that the two gentlemen along with my colleague and myself would share. As it turns out, the clients were not interested and my colleague decided he didn't like the meal. Like a fool, I consumed the entire plate which was heaping with three kinds of cheeses and more beans than one man should ever consume. I went back to the office bloated and full. This was around 3pm.

I left the office at 5:30 and took the TTC to Union. Just after King station, I felt the first rumble from deep within my gut. I thought little of it until while scrambling to get on the escalator at Union, the first fart made its way into my bowels. Small beads of sweat began to form at my brow as I fought my ass to keep a lid on things. As I walked through the throng to head outdoors to Union, I couldn't keep it in any longer and trumpeted it out slowly as I walked with the crowd.

I stood near the hot dog vendor for a bit as more pressure built. I let a few more go as I pretended to be deeply interested in the sky. When I figured it was safe, I made my way to the platform where I let a few more go. I knew it was bad when a small crowd had formed far away from where I stood. This made me relieved and I let a few more puffs out. When the train came in, I made use of the noise to really let the pressure rip when all of a sudden, all that effort resulted in the worst nightmare known to man.

I sharted. For those who don't know, this is gas followed by a mass.

Horrified, I stood rooted to the spot, completely frozen. I was wearing jeans. I could feel the small warm wetness. I had a jacket with me and underneath just a plain golf shirt. I took my jacket off and tied it around my waist. I quickly weighed out my options. Do I head back downstairs and clean myself and then venture to go buy some pants? Or do I just get on the train, take care of what I can in the bathroom and stand the whole way home?

I opted to get on the train. It was one of the cars with the larger accessible bathroom and I nearly cried at the site of it. I went in and went to business. It wasn't as bad as I thought but I still felt hiding out in the bathroom would be a good idea. So I sat on the toilet and waited.

The gas was terrible. I have never had cramps that bad. Just outside of Pickering, there was a small knock at the door of the bathroom. I sat there and waited, willing the person to go away. I said nothing and continued with the sweet release.

Halfway between Ajax and Pickering, another knock. I said nothing. Can't these people just go to another car?

At Ajax, my legs fall asleep and I'm miserable from the gas. I'm also miserable from how mortifying this whole situation is and I decide I'll exit the washroom and just stand until we reach Whitby.

I open the door and there's this woman standing there with a small boy next to her. Both of them were standing right outside the bathroom door. If I had a match on me, I would have lit it.

The little boy looks at me and says for the whole train to hear, "My mom says you were dying in there". "You were really farting!"

His mother shushes him and pushes him into the bathroom. As she's closing the door, I hear the boy say, "Ew mommy. It smells like grandpa in here".

Needless to say, I got home okay and my sympathetic wife, upon hearing about my tale of woe, hoofed over to the Shoppers Drug Mart and brought me back a bottle of Beano.

As you can see, this was way too long for a "shart out" but should be told. Learn from my errors and it should be a shart-free ride for all.

-JX

Some people need to raise the bar a little bit higher

Below is a text exchange from last night between myself and a lad who figured himself to be a stud.

Stud: hey

hello

Stud: how are you

good, you?

Stud: can i ask a question

sure

Stud: this is cj from crazy train right?

yep

Stud: ok cool. i have to check because id hate to think im texting my mom or something

how can you text your mom when you would have to type in my number?

Stud: well i stored your number in case something funny happened and i could just quickly send something

oh, great idea! i like readers who are prepared

Stud: well i did take scouts when i was a kid

:)

Stud: has anyone told you about how people have sex in the big washrooms on the trains

no, not yet but i have heard that this goes on thru the shout outs

Stud: i'm one of those people

one of those people who writes shout outs?

Stud: no one of those people who do it

do what

Stud: have sex

big deal. so do i

Stud: in the washrooms?

no. never on a train. that's super gross. the bacteria. the germs. who the hell would do that?

Stud: i do

i just threw up in my mouth

Stud: ha. ha. it's not so bad

right. provided you have no sense of smell

Stud: last night i took a late train and i hit it off with this brunette heading home to milton

let me guess, you delivered a pizza to her and she didn't have any money to pay you

Stud: ha ha no. i nailed her in the bathroom

sure.

Stud: why, u don't you believe me

where did i say i didn't believe you

Stud: you wrote sure

right. sure. sure as in sure, that's great

Stud: or sure as in you're a liar

you're the one who thinks they're writing to penthouse magazine

Stud: i thought you wanted people to text you

i do, i just don't get what's so hot about sex in a go train bathroom with all the urine splatter, poop smears and other bacteria you don't see while you're "nailing" someone

Stud: it's exciting

your sexual experience sounds limited if you think sex in the go train bathroom is exciting

Stud: i used protection

like what? purelling yourself from head to toe afterwards

Stud: she liked it

oh, your fantasy girl because i'm pretty sure you had sex with only one person last night

Stud: ha ha it's true

that you had sex with yourself

Stud: ha ha no. with the girl

if it is true, it's still gross. unsanitary. yuck.

Stud: it was your mother. she wanted me real baaaaad

how old are you?

Stud: why?

just trying to figure something out

Stud: are you going to write about my hot date

dude, you need to set your standards higher if what you did last night is what you consider a "hot date"

Stud: you probably won't publish this

What the hell was that this morning?

Tuesday night my 5:20pm train was delayed by an hour due to a gang of wet leaves causing mayhem on the rails and last night, we were delayed almost 20 minutes into Oshawa because of a switch problem. That's two nights in row where I got home past 7pm but I can't complain because according to a Shout Out in last night's TO Night Newspaper, GO commuters aren't allowed to complain - or whine - because GO employees work real hard.

Hey, guess what? So do I. Every goddamn day at my job, too. It's not about who works harder. It's about expectations and on Tuesday and Wednesday nights, none of my expectations were met in regards to being home on time.

This morning I arrived at the station at 7:41am with several minutes to spare before the 7:53am was to depart. As I walked onto the platform, another train pulled in. The first stopped train was near capacity. Talk about mass chaos! Panicked people clamoured onto the train already at capacity thinking it was the 7:53 when in fact, it was the 7:53 that had just rolled in and it was the 7:21 train that was really late.

Needless to say, those of us who hopped onto the 7:53 rode all the way to Union with plenty of room, sustained no bruised elbows from people who can't walk down aisles like a normal person but instead rush down like a bull in a china shop, and all the bag riders breathed sighs of relief because their bags were able to ride in comfort.

It's the small things, folks.

Another person who "parks how I want to"

Can't park in front of me. Can't park behind me. Just the way I likes it.

Snapped this morning at Oshawa GO Lot

Hey, did you hear about the one about the GO train and wet leaves?

The Canadian Press sure did.

In fact, the rogue wet leaves situation from yesterday has caused me to coin a new word: "vegetation malfunction". As in, "Sorry I'm late boss, but my train had a vegetation malfunction".

Apply a big fat "TM" after that when you use it and we're good.

Here's the story:

Maple Leaf stops Go train dead in its tracks
Tue Oct 26, 5:35 PM
By Pat Hewitt, The Canadian Press

TORONTO - What does it take to stop a train? Apparently, the mighty Maple Leaf — and a few of its leafy cousins.

GO Transit, Ontario's commuter rail service, cancelled its first train of the morning Tuesday, blaming slippery conditions as a result of leaves on the tracks.

And it was the second time in two days.

An incredulous Twitter tweeter who identified herself as Sheltie Addict wrote "So my 6:18 GO Train is cancelled due to wheel slippage from too many leaves on the track?"

"In 25 years of GO Training, this is the first time I have heard this excuse, er, reason, for a GO Train delay."

But in fact leaves in their glorious fall colours of red, orange and yellow put the brakes on trains fairly regularly.

Leaves fall on the tracks, get crushed and bake onto the rails at a high pressure leaving behind a hard, smooth Teflon-like coating. The condition is called slippery rails, and it's similar to black ice, said Metrolinx GO Transit spokesman Mike Cyr.

READ THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE ON YAHOO NEWS

Rolling along like it's my living room

Do you mind if I take off my shoes?

Um. Yes. Yes, I do.

Thanks to Silent J. for the pics

Like mah muddy boots? Me too! So much so that I'm gonna leave you a gift of dirt.

PS. Mah bag rides for free!

Only a man truly confidant in his own masculinity can pull off wearing a hat like this

Oh crap. Literally.

Hi CJ,

How could I not send you this from tonight’s local Seattle Post-Intelligencer blog?

Oh crap, light rail service delayed
Sound Transit had to pull a light rail vehicle out of service Tuesday after a woman defecated inside as the train headed north in the Downtown Transit Tunnel.

"Some unfortunate soul peed and pooped on the train," Sound Transit spokesman Bruce Gray said. "And it was not a little accident."

At 11:05 a.m., Sound Transit sent out a rider alert: "Central Link Light Rail service from Westlake Station at 10:25 to Beacon Hill was lost due to a unsanitary train. Thanks for your patience. "

All passengers got off at the Westlake station. The train turned around and ran empty to the maintenance yard in Sodo (South Downtown), where it was cleaned. It took about 10 minutes to get a clean replacement into service, Gray said.

Passengers notified the operator about the accident.

Love the headline, eh? Here is the link, in case you’d like to read some of the comments: http://blog.seattlepi.com/transportation/archives/226185.asp

Love your blog,
Ang

If you lost some crazy, I found it

It didn't take much for me to connect this text message to this post about bringing in a necklace I found on a train Friday night into the GO Lost and Found at Union Station on Monday.

First Anna K. actually left a comment, then she texted me.

Here's what happened:

Anna: helo can u help me??? i lost my really expensive scarf on the train and would really like it back

hey, did u contact go?

Anna: what? i am. i'm telling you

but i'm not go

Anna: this is lost and found right?

if you've lost crazy, i've found it

Anna: what? i just want to know how i come get my scarf ....it's a purple michael kors. i left it on the richmond hill 7:53 train but i can't remember what car i was sitting in

i think i got a comment from you earlier

Anna: what?

lady, listen to me, you have to contact go transit

Anna: are you not them?

no. how did you get this number?

Anna: from the lost and found website on google

i'm not the lost and found website but i do know i found some crazy

Anna: ok???

are you in front of a computer

Anna: yes

go to www.thiscrazytrain.com

Anna: ok. i did. i have that up right now at work

look at the site real carefully, does it say go transit lost and found?

Anna: yes. i'm looking right at it

impossible

Anna: who is this?

i'm the person who runs that website

Anna: so you are the person who can help me with lost and found? or not???? i'm confused

sweetheart, you're writing to a blog about go train commuting

Anna: I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE BEING SUCH AN ASSHOLE JUST TELL ME WHO TO CALL

call go transit

Anna: fine. whatever. i hope you die.

excuse me? really? you're pissed because you found a blog post where i wrote about finding a woman's necklace and assumed that i was some kind of virtual lost and found when in the very beginning of this ridiculous exchange, i actually told you what to do and since i can't help you, you wish death on me?

Anna: i'm done with this

i'm not

Anna: i'm sorry i ever contacted you

that makes two of us

Rogue wet leaves

I have no idea which train it was tonight that couldn't get up the incline into Danforth Station, but I'm going to guess it was the 4:53 aka 16:53 Lakeshore East train.

Why you ask?

Because of these:
That's right. Leaves.

Specifically, wet leaves on the tracks.

We were told the engine's wheels of the train two cars ahead of us was experiencing "slippage" on the rails. I'm sure the engineers scrambled for a word that sounded ominous yet technical at the same time.

I received quite a few texts from riders expressing frustration at GO for not having a plan in place to deal with "slippage" as Fall comes every year, rain isn't a new weather phenomenon and it's not a secret that wet leaves are slippery.

I guess it's time for steel chains or somethin' ... because arriving home an hour behind schedule because someone couldn't find a broom and a black garbage bag or provide basic preventative track maintenance requires a better word than "slippage".

A sad night for streetcar commuters in Toronto

Rob Ford unveils transit plan: remove streetcars, get cyclists off roads, expand subway only in burbs

"Removing streetcars from downtown “arterial roads,” like Queen and King streets, presumably streetcars suffer some heavy abuse in the Ford plan, which calls them slow and congestion-causing. Instead, Ford proposes replacing streetcars with buses, which are apparently nimble and svelte (never mind that buses might actually be slower [PDF]). The motivating philosophy behind the plan is pretty clear when you read it: words like “congestion” and “gridlock” make a heavy appearance, while “sustainable” is nowhere to be found. If a reader thought the Ford campaign’s idea of transit policy was “get everything out of the way of cars,” well done."

Full background here

Mail Bag

Hi

I'd like to address comments made in a post where you blasted people for being late for the train. It's not my fault that my usual route I take to the Oshawa station is closed because Townline is being widened which now forces me to sit in traffic. I did also change the time I leave and it's still taking me close to 30 minutes to get to the train. So what do you suggest I do? Leave even earlier? I'm also a mother with 3 small kids and I have to do daycare dropoff for all 3 and sometimes I wait to park because I can't drop them off earlier than 7. So I appreciate it when the train people hold the train at Oshawa one to 2 minutes past departure so hard working mothers like me to can get on.It's not like trains run every 10 minutes. So climb down your high horse, stop being a bitch and realize there are people who make every effort possible to be on time!

Erin L.

Lust. Verbatim

Submitted by Edward via text msg to 9054420352

The lady next to me is reading a book. I have managed to catch fleeting glimpses of her erotica. The title of the book is I Want To Bite.

I have typed some of what I read on my iPhone and now share it with you and hopefully you'll share this with your readers. Ever since I found your site, I've been waiting for some deliciousness and here it is ...

I quote: "Their breaths grew ragged. Their mouths parted. Tristan whimpered, wanting more. The lasciviousness glow of his ruddy tongue and his glistening lips made Izark gasp for air before ferociously kissing him again. Desire outstripped feeling and emotion. The consequences be damned. Only the frenzy of the now mattered."

I'm a straight dude whose pretty open-minded but this passage was just bad, no matter the orientation. It's as bad as "her bosom heaved and shivered with heightened desire". Not that I read Harlequin romance novels.

---

I found the book online at amazon.ca. I reckon there's a reason why the cover photo is omitted. It's probably scandalous.

Poop on the go

Friday night, Jill asked me "what that shit over there was" as she gestured towards a factory seen on the Lakeshore East line as it passes through the West Hill area of Scarborough.

I said, "Shit".

Really, it is.

You see that brown oblong pool in the lower right foreground of the first photo above? That's poop. A Hershey Jacuzzi waiting to be skimmed, boiled and treated at the Highland Creek WASTE TREATMENT plant.

Now you can truthfully tell people you see shit every day while on the LE train and mean it.

This coming winter, when you see the steam rising above this Lincoln log bath tub, you'll think of this post.

What always makes me shudder is the life preserver ring on a pole mounted to the fence on the platform of the turd pool.

Can you imagine falling into this?
No, never ever.

My election sign

The wanna-be politicians at the Oshawa GO station platform this morning didn't find my poster from Friday funny.

Mission accomplished.

Lost & Found

On Friday night, I happened upon a round polished stone necklace that had fallen off a woman's neck on the 5:20 LE out of Union. She had rushed to exit the train at Scarborough losing the necklace as she flew down the aisle.
I brought it into the Lost & Found at GO Customer Service in Union Station this morning.

Ay yi yi papi!

People who lose stuff are a hot mess!

There were three people in line in front of me and at the window was a woman, clearly distressed. She had left her Blackberry on a GO bus Friday night. The CSR was patiently and politely explaining to this woman that Friday's "collection" hadn't been couriered in yet. I was impressed at the courier part. GO pays to have your lost stuff sent to Union. Impressive. Yet, at the same time, explains the steady GO fare increases. If I had it my way, I'd send everything back to Union on a train, or bus. Right?

Anyhoo ...

This woman was convinced the CSR was lying and was trying to fit her upper torso through the wicket window to see what was in the red bins partially hidden by a door.

"Are you sure you don't have a red Blackberry Model ####, version XXXX, with a small scratch on the screen?" implored the lady.

The CSR says no and tells her again that Friday's items aren't in yet.

"Are you sure? Can I look at the bins myself?" asks the lady.

The CSR tells her no.

"How do you know I've come here to claim something and someone else won't claim my Blackberry?" asks the lady. The CSR tells her everything is itemized and tagged with as much information gleaned as possible from the person or employee who found it, so the person claiming the item would have to at least match some of the information, such as which bus, which train.

"Can you call me at work the second you see it?" asks the lady.

The CSR tells her she has to come back.

This makes the lady aggravated and she begins to angrily shove items back into her purse.

Good Christ, woman. It's not anyone else's fault you can't keep track of your shit. There's no need to put on a huff and puff show. It ain't impressing me and I'm certain the CSR doesn't need to watch your show either.

I just want to drop off this damn necklace and you're holding up the damn line with all your posturing.

Holy Christ, I can't even get a train to Clarington, and now there's talk of trains to Guelph, Kitchener, Timbuktu

via The Guelph Mercury Record

ON - Ridership on GO Transit buses has more than tripled in less than a year as university students embrace intercity transit.

Now there’s word GO Transit may soon launch a plan of some sort to extend commuter trains to Kitchener.

GO buses launched last November, to help build ridership toward trains. Buses stop at Waterloo universities as well as in Kitchener and Cambridge.

Most buses go to Mississauga. Some go to the Milton GO train station. Buses do not go directly to Union Station in Toronto.

Their first month, GO buses carried 6,500 passengers. In September they carried over 20,000. Extra buses have been added to meet demand, in particular to carry students away from Waterloo on Fridays.

This is good news for students. But working commuters won’t abandon their cars until they have reliable trains.

Ontario’s approved plan calls for four trains a day out of Kitchener in the morning, with four trains returning in the afternoon and evening.

The proposal, costing $153 million to launch, is still without provincial funding, GO spokesperson Vanessa Thomas said. She would not elaborate on alternate rail plans and said the provincial transit service is not currently considering extending trains from Milton to Cambridge.

READ THE REST OF THIS STORY AFTER THE JUMP

Let's set the scene: Act 1, Scene 1, GO Bus, East Gwillimbury

Narrated By: Stephanie B.
Comments in italics courtesy of Yours Truly (CJ "CRaZyTRaiN" Smith)

Cue clucking hens!

This has got to be one of the most ignorant conversations I have ever participated in and I felt the need to share.

Last night, I'm on the GO Bus home to "East G."

I changed it to "East G." because I like how ghetto that sounds. The GO Bus in question will now be referred to as the "ghetto sled".

The bus ghetto sled is packed, but not to the rafters. I listen to these two women b*tch and moan the whole way to Aurora about one of them having to stand, including the woman who is sitting near her who had to stand last night.

Finally, after the woman who has a seat feels she has complained enough, she tells the other woman who is standing that she should call and complain to GO about having to stand, I can't take it anymore. I pipe up and say "Complaining to GO will make no difference, so stop complaining and deal with it. That's just the way it is."

The woman sitting then responded back with, "Well, I pay so much money for this to ride to Aurora, and I shouldn't have to stand ... ever. GO should provide another bus for us who have to stand or refund our money."

I shot back with, "That is not a cost effective solution, and complaining about it won't make it ANY better!"

I heard her mutter "B*tch." under her breath.

Nice. Who the heck does she think she is?

Seriously? You ride to Aurora, and you have a seat. Stop complaining!

This is also coming from the same woman who made the rest of us wait for her on the platform while she was paying for her ticket with pennies and then she STOOD in the aisle sorting her "stuff" out while people were trying to get by her for five minutes. She actually elbowed every person who squeezed by her!

A campaign ad we'd like to see

Us morning psychos on the 7:53 out of Oshawa would give a shit about the Oshawa election, even though only two of the six of us live in Oshawa, if we saw a campaign ad like this:

Take note you jackasses.

Shame

To the Oshawa electoral candidates who parked their cars in the handicapped spots this morning at the Oshawa GO Station, and who killed a few trees while handing out material to people who clearly didn't want it, like me - there's irony in the laziness, trust me.

There's been enough studies done by think tanks and analysis groups that prove people will use the internet to find out information about a candidate before ever reading material either given to them or left in a mailbox.

Get a clue. Get a website.

End of rant.

What pisses you off?

Just curious.

What are some of things other people do on the train that annoy the hell out of you?

I know I've been incredibly open about mine, seeing as I have this blog and all.

For the TTC readers, I can assume it's the door pigs.

No! No McDonald's on the train. It stinks! You shouldn't be eating that crap anyway. Here's why

The smell! Horrible, especially in the confines of a train.

Ever noticed that God-awful smell that spews out of those vents outside Union station, on the lower outside concourse on Bay Street, just south of Front? That's the vents for the McDonald's inside Union Station. For real. I bet your stomach just rolled over.

There's a video done by a New Yorker named Sally Davies who bought a McDonald's Happy Meal, left it uncovered on her table, and took a picture of it every day for 6 months. Guess what happened?

Watch the video.

That's what's festering in your stomach - fries and meat that don't decompose.

Ever found one in your car? In a seat cushion years later? You shouldn't be able to find one, ever.

Tone deaf patriotism

Submitted by Alexander M.

TTC makes sexy times

Edith wrote in asking me if I'll accept crazy from the TTC.

Hells yes. This door is wiiiiiiddddddeeeeee open.

On the Bloor-Danforth subway train yesterday, she witnessed a man checking out his woman's muffin. She's not sure if he actually grabbed the muffin but he sure had his hand in the oven.

Yes. I'm talking in code. And no, I'm not talking about food.

No, I'm not photoshopping y'all a graphic. I have some lines I won't cross. But I did find this nice picture of cherry muffins.

I hope none of you ever look at muffins the same way again, or without thinking about this story.

My work here is done.

Enforcement

Got an email from Amanda who says GO Green Hornets were out in force tonight in the Oshawa GO lot ticketing people who "park where I want to".

Photos. I needs them. "Park where I want to" is a personal pet peeve of mine.

Too tight

This young lady on the 5:10 had jeans on so tight that I could see her billfold.

Annoyed with other passengers? Try this

Thanks to Cindy for the suggestion.

Catching up on crazy email

I'm not ignoring you.

I just don't check everyday. I like it like that. Makes me feel like Tiger Woods on a blind date. You don't know who you gonna get but for sure the gettin' will be good. And blonde.

Some recent photo submissions, courtesy of YOU:

West to Milton. This woman was eating Dirty Ron fries with mayonnaise she slathered all over a napkin and then dipped her fries into. It was nauseating to watch. Fat on fat. Sounds like bad porn, I know. - Submitted by Mookie

Park where I want to. Even where I shouldn't. - Submitted by Carol H.

Thigh high bag rider. This was on the 4:53 to Oshawa train. She reminds me of the "Black Velvet" Canadian singer from the late 80s. Allanah Myles or something whatever. This very pregnant woman got on and this chick just kept on crackberrying. - Submitted by Barb C.

A delivery assault to the eyes

(Photo illustration by CJ Smith of This Crazy Train.com)

Hi CJ,

On the train this morning, a man came and sat opposite me. Not in the normal way men sit on a train, but with his legs spread wiiiiiiiide open, to the point they were overlapping the legs of the guy sitting next to him. As I had no desire to view his "package", I spent the entire trip using a much-read magazine to shield my eyes.

Regards,
Tom W

---

I hope it wasn't one of those boring finance inserts that fall out of the Globe and Mail.

Begging for votes at the Oshawa Go station

I think it's incredibly presumptuous of these electoral candidates for Oshawa to assume every person hauling ass for the train lives in Oshawa.

I never caught the name of the female who was on the platform this morning. But let's call her "Candy".

I politely told "Candy", who accosted me, that I live in Clarington (which is 100% true, so save a friggen tree and keep your propaganda to yourself) and she sputtered back in anger as she tried to thrust her purple paper into my hand, "Well maybe you know someone in Oshawa you can give this to."

Is it that bad? This desperation? I don't deserve this crap in the morning.

On the train, many of you felt like I did: Annoyed.

In fact, one train buddy, Charlotte, had a great design idea for an election sign and materials should she ever run for public office. Her idea is hilarious because she's a true fashionista. I'll whip up what she described and share it with you all sometime this week. UPDATE --> It's done!

Today's text message is brought to you by the letter G

For "Girth".

Jose texted, "Oh Lord, the guy beside me looks like he just ate 3 people for breakfast and his meaty sausage hand is inching its way towards my thigh! He can't fit his whole body into the seat. I keep holding my breath as he swings a tree trunk arm my way. I'm a little man. Smaller than Michael J. Fox. There's no center plastic armrest between us. I'm at the mercy of this man. Tell people not to sit in these kinds of seats. Please pray I make it out of here alive!"

Tickets please

By far this is the most times in one month where the 7:53am train from Oshawa has been checked.

So this morning this woman hands over her 10-ride but didn't punch for this morning's commute. The only ID she offered up looked to be her security pass for work. She actually looked annoyed, complete with a "Bitch, please" expression. Like she was entitled to be forgiven for not punching so her ass could ride for free.

Hey, I get it. People forget. But don't act like that's your free pass to break the law. How about an "I'm sorry, I'll try to remember next time" coupled with some graciousness?

She actually sighed and feigned annoyance as she dug in her purse for her lame-ass excuse for ID.

A little politeness goes a long way. I think she blew it when she tried to convince the officer the only ID she had was her building security pass.

I couldn't tell if she got written up but I hope so.

If someone's pissing you off

Don't clear your throat half a thousand times to project how annoyed you are.

Sit on his lap.

Problem solved.

The hunt for crazy

It didn't take long today on the 5:20 when a lady's cellphone woke almost everyone up at about 5:40.

I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one who didn't care to hear about what a rockstar this woman aims to be at work or how her boss can't get her shit together and tell her about meetings in advance of them happening, resulting in her having to book a rental car to get to Brampton tomorrow, but she can't because her corporate credit card is locked at the office and it's too late to call, and her sinuses are still bad (sniff!) and perhaps the person on the other end can lend her a car, because she doesn't even want to get started (sniff!) on how to explain what a horrible person her boss is, and how she aims to make everyday a living hell for her (sniff) and if the person can leave her car for her at 7:45 am to pick it up, or perhaps she can rent a car (sniffffff) and she can reimburse her, and she's, like, let me tell you what my boss is like, oh you don't... want... to... know...

But that's okay, you're going to subject us all to it on the train anyway.

(Sniff) and oh well she can talk to this person on the other end of the line more about this tonight and how she'll be in Brampton tomorrow morning for 9.

Well ... if you could talk to the person later about all this, then why the hell did you talk to this person about this on the train?

Gawd. Really.

Doors are closing ... !

So get on the goddamn train. If you dirty turnips can't make it to the 7:53 train, take the next one. Don't make me late because of you.

If I have to listen to Jay every morning with his stucatto, "Doors ... Are ... Cloooooooooossssssiiiinnnng", I'll lose my mind. I'll go postal. I'll go to the doors myself and pry them shut.

Shut them and be on with it.

More shenanigans on the way to Barrie

via email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Didn't anyone teach them to stay off railroad tracks?

Dan

=========
Update:
The Union 16:10 - Barrie South 17:47 train trip is delayed 50 minutes from Newmarket due to trespasser activity.
We apologize for the inconvenience.

The Union 16:40 - Barrie South 18:17 train trip is delayed 25 minutes south of Newmarket due to trespasser activity affecting an earlier train.

Tom

Those of us who ride out of Oshawa on the 7:53 train to Union know all too well who Customer Service Ambassador Tom is.

A lovely gent, Tom is the one whose voice cracks like a 13 year old boy when he reads all of the service announcements for the morning commute. And I mean all of them.

Tom goes into great detail about where we're heading, how we'll get there, what to do if you want to go somewhere else, how to avoid death at platform level and he does all of this at the speed of a turtle. And the best part is he only subjects those of us leaving Oshawa with this long-winded novel of announcements of his. The Pickering people are often spared. That's because Tom has passed out due to a lack of oxygen.

This morning, both Jill (my train buddy) and I found out that a woman on the train with us, while commenting on the new guy - "Mr. DOORS... ARE... CLOOOOOOSSSSSINNNNNNG" -that she actually started to take the 8:25am train just to avoid Tom.

That's hardcore, man.

Get your own solitaire

Submitted by email from Anonymous to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

I usually play solitaire on my iPhone in the morning and yesterday morning, I made a bad move and the guy next to me mumbled an "oh no" and made a sucking in air sound. Turns out he was intently studying my moves. When I looked up he postured like he was simply stretching. So I reset the game and handed him my iPhone and told him it was his turn.

He kicked my ass.

Crossing train tracks?

Lotsa upset Barrie line commuters tonight.

I dunno if it was suicide and although sitting on a train for 2 hours is unpleasant, someone did die.
I do feel bad for the GO conductors who had to witness it. These men and ladies do all they can to save people from death, especially those who use train tracks as shortcuts or as a means for the end.

Pedestrian struck and killed on the Barrie-Bradford GO line
Toronto Star Newspaper

A pedestrian was struck and killed on the Barrie-Bradford GO train lines Thursday evening, York region police say.

Police said officers were on the scene to determine the cause of the incident.

The incident happened around 5:25 p.m. just south of Rutherford Road near a railway crossing, said GO Transit spokeswoman Vanessa Thomas.

Service on the line was temporarily suspended for two hours, just north of York University, near Rutherford GO station, as police conducted their investigation, Thomas said.

Passengers on the northbound Union 16:40 to Barrie train trip experienced delays of about two hours.

READ THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE AT THE STAR.CA

Cleaning up the Downtown

At first I had no idea what these 2 ladies next to me were talking about on the 7:53 Oshawa to Union train this morning.

Something about cleaning up the downtown area, then whisper-whisper-whisper-giggle-giggle-spa-wax-shave.

What? Is there a spa opening up in downtown Oshawa?

Nooo ... they were discussing vaginal birth and making sure everything was nicely groomed before the baby comes.

Yeah, I'll leave that for you to mull over.

Having gone through the pains of labour, I can honestly tell you the last thing on my mind was my downtown landscaping.

Shout Out

To the dude on the Pickering platform waiting for a westbound train blowing a farmer's hankie in front of all of us on the 5:10 to Oshawa outta Union. That was awesome! Nope, don't wanna know what you do for an encore.

Via text message to 9054420352

What kind of goddamn gong show is this?

I managed to catch the 4:10 today. We haven't even left yet and already this is a gong show.

This train, no matter which coach I've moved to, is a rolling circus!

The first car saw a big, smelly, construction dude-type wedge his rotten-boot-smelling-self into the window seat next to me.

So I bailed to the second coach only to wind up in a furnace.

So I moved again and now I'm sitting next to a woman who is screaming into her blackberry at her admin assistant for not submitting an expense report.

This resulted in the ladies across from me clucking out loud about 'inside voices'.

Right.

Another "What do I do?" moment

In late August, a reader texted me asking my opinion about confronting another passenger about a visible poop stain on her pants. I told that person to say nothing. I also didn't want to see a photo. The person obliged.

Today, I received another text asking for my opinion on an incident a fellow passenger witnessed in the Whitby GO parking lot.

Apparently I'm the f*cking Ann Flanders of GO commuting. These poor sods don't have anywhere else to turn! I suggest purchasing a Magic 8-ball. Mine seems to have all the answers.

Becky sent the following text at 7:57 am this morning (9054420352). Apparently Becky works for some archaic telegram service because she wrote me like she was sending me bad news circa World War II.

Hey... Am at Whitby lot... Saw man running... Bag caught on car side mirror... Cracked it... It's hanging... Guy just kept running... What to do!? ... Should leave note?

Dammit, girl. Just go catch the damn train. If I had told you to leave a note, what would it say? "Tall, white man. Black bag. Mid-30s. Broke your mirror. Call me to discuss".

That describes nearly the whole town of Whitby.

On your way home tonight, if the car is still there, leave a note telling the owner you'll try to find the guy.

If you see the dude tomorrow, hand him an invoice for what you think the repair would cost. Then take his photo and make a whole bunch of WANTED posters back at the office. Post them around the station until he gives in and waits for you under a lamp post in some dark corner in the parking lot and slips you some bills.

Good luck!

Honestly? Shits and giggles aside, that's a pretty shitty thing for someone to do. That person is accountable for his actions and hopefully does the right thing when he heads home tonight by finding the car he damaged and leaving his number with an offer to pay for the repair.

Better do it dude, Becky's watching you.

Here's what my Magic 8-ball had to say when I asked if the guy will pay for the mirror.

Your crabby vacation makes me crabby

Submitted by Angela H. to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

I was subjected to a gross and TMI* conversation last night on the Lakeshore East train by a group of women going on and on about how one of the women conceived her set of twins while on a Caribbean vacation.

The woman went into explicit details about being pinched by crabs, both her and her husband, as they did the deed at night on the beach.

She found her story hysterically funny and she punctuated each sentence with loud, cackling laughter. I don't think she realized that it wasn't clear what kind of crabs were giving her and husband discomfort.

Why would anyone talk about having sex, possibly with pubic crabs, on a beach, on a public train?

*TMI = Too Much Information

Damn chicken took me down

I think I've been poisoned by some unfavorable and shoddy chicken from Saturday night. Sunday was a blur, yesterday was like riding a never-ending wave of doom searching for lobster on some obscure Maritime Bay, and today I'm just exhausted from all that fishing.

Worst... Thanksgiving... EVER.

Tomorrow it is. On.

I've been duped! (So have you)

Karen K. was kind enough to point out to me that the story I overheard two ladies talking about on the train Friday night was ... not ... real.

It's an urban legend.

Here's the background as found on Snopes.com.

Here's my original post.

But not only did this urban myth wind its way into the gossip circles of the train and onto my blog, it's even hit YouTube!

I caught a trawl

---

UPDATE
I've since learned this story is an urban legend. However, read on!

---

In true FML fashion, I had to head back to the office tonight after realizing I had left a very important - personal - document at work that I needed for the weekend.

I actually managed to take the 4:53 home tonight and got into Oshawa at 5:38, only to get in my car and let out a huge, "Oh fffffuuuuuuddddgggge". Only I didn't say "fudge", when I realized what I had forgotten at work.

So I took the train back into Toronto because the 401 looked like a dog's breakfast. I grabbed my stuff and hoofed it back to Union.

I managed to catch the 7:17 back to Oshawa and bore witness to one of the most incredible stories I have ever heard.

There were two ladies across from me discussing a recent event involving a co-worker of one of these women.

Let's call her Darla.

Darla has an adult son with Down Syndrome who lives with her and stays home during the day while she works. Apparently he's self-sufficient and can be trusted to stay by himself, or so she thought.

She went to work one day last week and in the morning got a phone call from her son, who for the sake of this story I'll call Davey. Davey is excited and tells Darla he caught a trawl. She had no idea what he was talking about and brushed him off.

At lunch time, he phones again and says, "Mum! I put the trawl in the closet so you can see him". She doesn't understand what he's excited about and ignores him.

At 3pm, he calls again and is finally able to blurt out that he's got a TROLL in the house. Darla finally grows concerned and decides to leave early so she can go home and see what Davey is excited about.

When she gets to her front door, the door only opens part way because the La-Z-Boy rocker from her living room is wedged in front of the hall closet and the front door. She rings the bell and Davey comes running. He excitedly pushes the rocker out of the way and swings opens the closet door.

Inside was a "little person" dressed in a suit, pale as a ghost, and scared out of his mind.

Her son had locked a Jehovah Witness who had come to the door early that morning in the hall closet.

Darla was mortified. She mentally made a list of all the crimes her son had just committed ... forcible confinement ... kidnapping.

The man bolted from the house, even before Darla could apologize. Meanwhile her son is on the front porch screaming for the troll to come back because he wanted to keep him.

I didn't get to hear what the aftermath of this story was because the women got off at Ajax.

All I know is that never in my life have I had to hold in laughter as hard as I had to tonight.

Roll six for strength

Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. He has it.

$$$ Working hard for the money $$$

Kelly writes, "Whitby GO is looking to make a buck anywhere it can, including the lines between spot$! Check it out!"

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

A big fat thank you to the jerk who busted my car

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Gather round folks, tuck yourself into a quad or two. Be sure to remove your shoes and snuggle up on the seat because this gem of scumbaggery comes from reader Martina N.

---

Hi there! Love your blog and thought I would share a story for you. A bit of a shout out if you will.

Last night (Oct. 6) I got back to my car at the Oshawa GO station parking lot and from a distance I noticed a piece of paper on my windshield and assumed it was an ad. Then I got closer...my front bumper was hanging off my car and a piece of it was lying in the spot next to mine! My jaw dropped. I stared for a minute before I grabbed the paper. I assumed it was from the person who did it, but it was not. It was from my new favourite anonymous person (people?) who had witnessed the guy parked beside me hitting my car and leaving. He/she had left a description of the vehicle (I actually remembered seeing it when I got there in the morning) and a license plate number. The police confirmed that the plate information was correct. He is from out of town, so it might take a few days to track him down, but they are on the job. I just wanted to thank my anonymous hero and give an F you to the jerk who couldn't be bothered to leave a note! I guess for every crazy person, there is a good person to help even things out.

You psychos are on your own tomorrow

Thursday, I'm hitching a ride into work, doing my part to destroy the planet, so I can transport two apple tarts (photo above) to my company's bake sale.

The last time I carried baked goods onto the train I completely forgot about my Tupperware container holding 30 homemade butter tarts that I had shoved under my seat. It took me an hour to prepare and make them from scratch the night before.

I stood on the platform and watched the train pull away, headed to Aldershot, after I hoofed it back up the stairs when it dawned on me at the corner of Front and Bay that I forgot my f**king butter tarts.

I had night terrors about what happened to them. Visions of crew members happily tossing the batch into the trash shook me awake for several nights. What I really hoped was that some sweet old lady found them and fed them to her friends at her afternoon soaps club. Then they all drank tea and patted their bellies, thanking "Gladys" for the treat.

But we all know that's not how it went down.

Oshawa Go Lot. Island Parking

If GO Transit were to enforce their lots as well as their platforms fining smokers and for illegal parking, the cost of my monthly pass from Oshawa to Union would only be $100.

Submitted by Sarah K. via picture and text message to 9054420352

Union Station, Wednesday night. Illiterate.

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain by Anonymous

Airing the stank

Submitted by Kaylaa C. by picture message to 9054420352

Guess who was awarded "Shout Out of the Day"?

Published in the October 6th Edition of t.o.night newspaper. Pg. 13.

Original blog post from October 5th

Finally, Google got its crap together

This blog made its debut in February but the posts go back further as they were collected from old Facebook status updates of mine. I have managed to post every day except for weekends. All this hard work of typing on my crappy webphone has paid off. This site has been "found" by Google!

www.thiscrazytrain.com was crawled and indexed by Google's 'googlebot' yesterday for almost 8 hours. This means every post was indexed in Google's taxonomy.

I know I'm totally geeking out here but I'm getting to why this is important.

This means that the search field up at the top of this blog now works!

My goal is to knock all references to Ozzy Osbourne's Crazy Train off the first page of Google when someone searches for "crazy train".

It may take four years but it's a huge victory when your blog makes it into Google.

It also helps that you folks read it. So thank you!

Probably the best scam going

Maybe it was the mood I was in, having to hoof it in piss-pour rain to catch the 10:13 (as in PM), or that I fell victim to this scam once before ... but I blew off a guy tonight looking for a hand-out.

I was accosted by a dude tonight outside the Bay Street Teamway who gave me this long-winded story about losing his wallet and needing a GO bus ticket back to Barrie and that he was down here visiting his mom blah blah blah, and could I lend him the last 10 bucks? He then proceeds to show me what he's collected so far, being sure to emphasize that he's "not a bum".

In the Fall of 2008, I was approached by a guy in a suit outside the ACC who fed me a similar sob story about having come to Toronto for a job interview from London, only to lose his wallet and he was short 20 dollars for his VIA ticket.

I gave him the money.

Only a few months later, just after Christmas, I saw this d-bag again, pulling the same routine outside the Union bus terminal.

I marched over and asked him how much he needed. This time it was 40 dollars.

I took out my phone and said we should call his wife (this was part of the 'story' - needing to get home to the wife and kids) and ask her to call VIA and reserve a ticket for him by credit card. He stared at me blankly and made up some BS excuse that they just moved into a new home and he couldn't remember the phone number. So, I said, how about a cell number for the wife? Guess what? She doesn't have one. Where's his? I ask. Again, doesn't have one.

Right.

So I said I would go with him to the counter and pay the difference for his ticket with my credit card. He then asks if I would consider buying the whole ticket so he could use the cash he's collected to buy food, because he hasn't eaten all day. I said I'd buy him a sandwich. He said he didn't want to put me out.

Right.

Two to one, he'd turn around and refund that ticket or at least try to. GO tickets are refundable and I've learned this is also part of this scam. These d-bags will take anyone up on their offer to buy a GO ticket only to refund it once the duped soul has left, telling the ticket agent they're now getting a ride home from a friend.

You may have seen these scammers actually come onto the train asking for money for tickets. Don't give them any.

I know there are people who legitimately find themselves in such a situation and will ask for help but these people would be asking people standing near a ticket counter, not out on the street.

Once the guy finished his story, I answered him in French.

Good book, eh? See ya later!

Pork tenderloin

There's nothing more entertaining (not really) than listening to other commuters discuss their Thanksgiving plans. It's also very apparent there are many families who can't seem to get their shit together when it comes to the holiday.

It comes every year. How can anyone not know whose house one is going to and vice versa?

Yesterday, a young woman riding next to me had a nuclear meltdown over trying to move dinner to Saturday. This morning an English chap spent 40 minutes discussing the pros and cons with his wife of moving dinner from Monday to Sunday.

But the best moment so far (I realize it's only Tuesday) about this weekend's upcoming festivities was a woman on the train last night who had a discussion with her husband on her cellphone just after we pulled out of Pickering. I'll call her Pork Tenderloin Lady or PTL for short.

PTL: Oh hi honey. It's me. I was thinking... remember that pork tenderloin we had about five or six years ago at Auntie Carol's?

(Pause)

PTL: What do you mean you don't remember? It was the dinner when Katy was there. What was that? 2004 or something... It was a lovely tenderloin and she had stuffed it with something ...

(Pause)

PTL: Katy is Auntie Carol's daughter. ... How can you not know that?!

(Pause)

PTL: I'm asking about that dinner to see if you remember the tenderloin.

(CJ says: Holy hell. I can't remember what I ate for lunch yesterday never mind some random dinner from five years ago...)

(Pause)

PTL: Anyway, it doesn't matter. Auntie Carol said she had gotten the recipe from Google. Are you near the computer? .... Well go to the computer!

(Pause)

PTL: That can wait. This is important. Type in pork tenderloin. Add the word stuffed after that.

(Pause)

PTL: Because I only want stuffed recipes.

(Pause)

PTL: Is anything coming back? ... Read me the first one.

(Pause)

PTL: I know there are a lot. Just read the first five or so.

(Pause)

PTL: I don't want to call Auntie Carol.

(Pause)

PTL: Because she probably won't remember.

Sorry I grabbed your ass

This morning, I was turned outward on an outside seat and went to re-adjust my body when my foot kicked out (wet floors and all) and tripped a woman making her way down the aisle.
Instinctively, I reached out to stop her from falling and grabbed her ass.
Needless to say, she wasn't impressed.
One day, she'll recognize my intentions were merely heroic.

Sooo, my Richmond Hill fans, how was tonight?

A GO Train locomotive sits off its rails in Richmond Hill after an incident officials describe as 'minor.' (Ali Tawfiq - Special to CP24.com)

via CP24.com

GO Transit says a train derailment caused it to temporarily stop service on its Richmond Hill line Monday morning.

Transit officials say the "minor derailment" happened just after 7:30 a.m. and the the 7:25 a.m. and 7:55 a.m. trains from Richmond Hill station to Union station were suspended. Service resumed just before 10 a.m.

York Regional Police say no injuries have been reported but a user on Twitter says one rail car came off the tracks and passengers are being asked to move down the train for "safety reasons".

---

Hands down, this is scary. This derailment may have been "minor" but is a train derailment really "minor"? Thankfully, no one was hurt. Apparently "emergency track repair" was all the rage this evening.

Pickering shenanigans

Submitted by Olivia via email (cj@thiscrazytrain.com)

I wanted to mention what happened this morning on the Pickering 7:21 Express (that instead left at 7:26).

My husband, friend, and I, got on the first coach and sat in a 4-seater. An older gentleman with ear buds was the only other person sitting there. We started to chat - not in that annoying loud and laughing Monday morning sort of way, more like a "so my daughter got a train set this weekend" sort of way - and the gentleman proceeded to look at us, get up and went to stand by the door.

Ok, we figure maybe he is not too much of a morning person? Then he moves from his spot guarding the door and goes to sit elsewhere. Ok. Now I'm getting offended. I make a comment about presuming to be too loud and my friend puts her yoga mat in the place he once occupied.

We continue our conversation - again at courteous Go-train-Monday-morning-level - and the lady across from us makes a point of huffing and puffing and covering herself with her Barney purple wrap and turning away from us. We look at each other, shrug and continue our conversation about why my friend did not take her one year old to the zoo on Saturday.

Well our new not-so-happy-Monday-am commuter companion continues with her hemming and hawing and proceeds to get up and join our old companion (who has now re-taken up his post at the door). At this time, we have passed Danforth and we decide we may as well get up and stand at the door on the opposite end as well. Our two new friends decide to converse about our "rudeness(?)" and look and point at us. I wave.

We get to Union "on time" (read: 5 mins late but still within Go's timing guidelines - but that's another story) and don't get pointed at or given any more dirty looks - til tomorrow perhaps?

I just don't get it? Yes, I have felt the need to sleep on the Go train before but have never been offended by a simple conversation across the way from me. I mean, not everyone has had a bad nite's sleep and decides to sleep it off en route to Union.

We are not some hooligans or trouble makers, we just wanted to chat about the weekend. SO SUE US!

Thanksgiving TMI

Thanks to the wonders of cellphone technology, all of us on Coach 2328 on the 5:20 are being subjected to the ENTIRE weekend plans of this 1 woman who is fighting with:

her mother (hangs up)
her sister (hangs up)
her boyfriend
her mother (calls back)
her father
her sister (again)

It appears everyone wants to eat on different days except for Saturday.

Eventually she gives up and angrily throws her phone into her bag. Now she's crying behind her to.night newspaper while her phone vibrates wildly.

Why don't people wait until they're home alone to make these kinds of calls?

I mean, really, it's turkey for f**k sakes.