Photo: On The Bus by user plasticbystander from flickr.Earlier today I posted an article from wikihow.com about How to Enjoy a Train Ride. Wikihow.com is now my new most favorite website in the world. How I managed to learn anything without it is nothing short of a miracle!
One of the steps encouraged in the Train Ride article was that people strike up conversations with those around them. But what if you're one of those people who doesn't want to talk anyone? No problem! Wikihow.com has the answer!
Apparently any of these tactics will work:
1. Bring your MP3 player and place ear phones on head before boarding the bus or train. (Discman or Walkman will suffice as well.)If you don't have a music player, earphones with the end of the cable tucked into your pocket should work just as well.
Walkman? What year is this?!
2. Sit down and immediately put your head down and close your eyes as if you wish you were cozy in bed. Most other passengers get the picture.
3. Bring reading material. Some ideas include: newspapers, magazines, novels, notes from school.
Phew. I'm glad they gave examples of reading material. I would have just brought a cereal box on board.
4. Start texting people, or if you don't really want to text anyone, just get your cell phone out and pretend you are busily texting.
A+
5. Head for an area of the bus/train that has the fewest seats filled. Fewer people means less chance of someone trying to make conversation! That's just common sense.
For some people, because of the corridor they're on, this may mean you're riding on top of the train. Outside.
6. Say "I'm not allowed to talk to strangers" if you are under 15. It just might work.
Frig. This is hilarious at any age. I'm so using this one.
7. Bring something to keep yourself engrossed such as a handheld games console.
I'm gonna haul ass with an arcade game next week. I mean the ones from the 80s. Yeah, those ones. I'm thinking Q-Bert.
8. If someone does try to talk to you, seem uninterested or tell them your throat is sore and you don't want to irritate it by talking.
Total win.
9. If they start asking out questions be brief answering them and turn your head towards them without making eye contact. When they aren't talking and you're not answering, don't look at them, just look at you feet our your lap.
Or you can borrow from a page outta the How to Enjoy a Train Ride and start playing hand games with yourself.
10. Pretend that you do not speak a word of english. Example: If someone is asking you which bus to take to a destination, have a confused look on your face, meaning 'sorry, I don't speak english.' The passenger may get the point that you are from a foreign country and that you don't speak english well and you're visiting the country to visit family or friends.
Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. A confused looks means I may be mentally retarded. Awesomeness! How about you just pretend to be deaf!
3 comments:
I just smile and node, then look in a completely different direction to the person trying to talk to me. Works every time.
(If one day it doesn't work, I'll bleat like a sheep.)
Took me to mind of an incident over this Christmas holiday I'd like to share with you as a means to repay the favour of humour I receive from your daily blog:
On December 18, I went out to my local WALMART (or "the other evil empire" as we refer to them - first one is Shopper's Drug Mart, anyhow, I digress....). So I'm looking for those little Christmas tree hooks to hang the lovely bunch of Brian Gluckstein collection ornaments I purchased at 60% off at the Bay, which did not include any blasted hooks to hang all the pretty, shiny ornaments inside the big, plastic box (I digress again, I know). I idiotically figure "No problem, How hard can it be to find those hook-hanging things - Walmart's gotta have em?'. Foolish woman.
I arrive @ Walmart to a reasonably packed store, considering the day of the week and closeness to Christmas! To my joy, there were about 8 isles of "Seasonal" decorations, wrapping paper, ornaments up the whazoo, wreathes, lights, garlands, Christmas trees and stands....but to no avail could I locate the dreaded ornament hooks.
After about 45 mins, (that's right folks, 45 mins, I don't give up easily) of searching for these little humpers, I sees myself a lovely looking, friendly faced, middle aged lady in one of the isles. She has been there for a spell, much like myself. I passed her like 8 times during my search, and she smiled at me several times. So finally, I approach her and ask "Excuse me, I noticed you've been here a while like myself. I have scoured these isles looking for ornament hooks. for the life of me I cannot find them, and I was wondering, during your shopping, did you happen to see them in a particular isle?"
Suddenly, this middle aged lovely lady, with her Christmas reindeer sweater on might I add, who's smiled at me numerous times in the past 45 mins I've been hunting for these God forsaken hooks, looks at me in shear horror, like I'm a 3 headed creature looking to mug her.
Instead of answering me, what does she do, puts her head down and starts singing, loudly might I add, Christmas Carols! I take that as some cue that the non-mentally ill individual she is clearly shopping with, (no way she's operating a motor vehicle to get to the Walmart in the burbs on her own, I aptly surmize), someone like her son Lurch, will come-a-running from another isle and tackle me to the ground for pestering his weirdo, mental-defective-posing-as-a-normal-person-in Walmart-mother, and afraid for my safety, I high tail'er out of the wierdos' way.
I end up leaving Walmart, and heading to Canadian Tire where I found the bloody hooks at the front of the store as soon as I walked in - where they should be!
You deserve wasting 45 minutes of your life, just because you went to walmart (I can barely type the name) I'm 6 years and counting, not stepping inside the doors of that place. Ever notice that everybody inside wears track pants, hockey jackets, and has feathered 80s hair-styles? Much like the 4:53 LSE gang that stands at the door of the east end coach. Definately walmart people. I shudder
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