Monday, June 27, 2011

Hey, did you hear about that life-saving gum?

So I'm bouncing along Bay Street tonight, heading home from the grind and this woman falls in step beside me.

I swing my eyeballs to the left and ... oh snap ... it's garlic girl from last Thursday.

She's looking just as attractive as she was when I first encountered her, all dolled up in Chanel flats, Coach bag on-hand, a dapper pencil skirt and neatly tucked in pinstripe blouse. I died my hair this weekend. It's all I've got. Work with me here.

As we head through the Bay Teamway, she turns to me and says, "Thanks for the gum last Thursday. You saved my life."

I had to roll with this so I asked her how me giving her a stick of gum saved her life.

She smiles and said she was to meet her son's teacher that night for a parent teacher consultation and she couldn't imagine what the teacher would think of her if she presented herself with garlic breath.

I nodded. Smiled. Tied my cape tighter around my neck.

So I asked her how the consultation went, not really caring but I had time to kill 'til the 5:20pm train. She rattles on about how he's progressed, etc ... concerns about grade 1 ... blah, blah, blah ... I smile. Nod politely. Still waiting for where I saved her from a box six feet under.

Nothing. I look at my watch and tell her I have to head up to meet my friends. She says she'll see me around.

Sure. Remember, all I did was give this girl a stick of gum.

Gum, people.

12 comments:

  1. Fred's WifeJune 27, 2011 at 11:04 PM

    But you saved her life!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJune 27, 2011 at 11:10 PM

    Incredible that this mannequin associates bad breath with death.

    Wait ...

    ReplyDelete
  3. dbag's alive and well in b-townJune 27, 2011 at 11:21 PM

    I thought you were straight?

    ReplyDelete
  4. C.J. SmithJune 28, 2011 at 6:38 AM

    ? @ dbag

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousJune 28, 2011 at 8:57 AM

    CJ, again with the tease and no picture. :-(

    I'll have to survive on the visual image you've painted for me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. lswgirl13June 28, 2011 at 9:20 AM

    Actually, I'd take it for what it was . . . someone being nice for a change. A little dramatic, but nice.

    ReplyDelete
  7. pookieJune 28, 2011 at 9:25 AM

    Saved her from embarrassment. But for some ladies, that is like saving one's life! I would have said the same. You funny!

    ReplyDelete
  8. C.J. SmithJune 28, 2011 at 9:40 AM

    I'm glad someone caught onto the drama. She was very dramatic. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, all this over gum. I dig the graciousness. If I had dragon breath, you best be telling me.

    ReplyDelete
  9. dbag hereJune 28, 2011 at 10:48 AM

    You write like a lesbian. Just sayin'

    ReplyDelete
  10. lswgirl13June 28, 2011 at 11:09 AM

    Okay, I'll bite. How does a lesbian write?

    ReplyDelete
  11. BickyJune 28, 2011 at 3:50 PM

    Wait, I know this one... with pen and paper! Oh, but now the question becomes, left-handed or right-handed? But since we're inputting this on the interwebs, maybe it's with thumbs or index fingers? Gosh, I don't know now.... what was the question again? ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousJune 30, 2011 at 11:24 PM

    I think you threw dbag off with the word "attractive". In dbag's head you're a lesbian because you thought she was an attractive lady. *insert eye roll here*

    ReplyDelete

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