Because I'm the Ann Landers of all things GO (apparently), here are some frequently asked questions I've received over the past year via text messages in regards to various dilemmas and my replies (in green and italics):
The man across from me keeps picking his nose. What should I do.
Do you have tissues?
No
Do you have socks?
Um, yeah, why?
Take one off and give it to him.
* * *
Ever seen a hot guy on the train and wonder what his name is?
Nope.
* * *
Let's say I'm your number one fan and would like to treat you to coffee, would you meet me somewhere?
If you can show me Somewhere on a map, it's a date.
* * *
What do you prefer? Presto or paper pass?
Neither.
Well surely you have a preference.
Oh, absolutely. I prefer free!
What's better in your opinion?
Neither.
Wow, you're no help.
* * *
What do you consider a good situation to press the yellow strip?
Ask yourself, is my life in danger? If you answer yes, press the strip.
* * *
Boxers or briefs?
On me? Neither.
* * *
Are you hot?
Are you stupid?
* * *
I know this is off topic but I've been following your site for a while so I figure I'd put this out there. Ever thought of leaving your husband?
Why in the hell would you ask me that?
I'm lonely.
www.lavalife.com Good luck.
* * *
This train is so hot, I'm gonna melt. Why can't they ever get the temperature right?
Move.
* * *
Hey, I know you've mentioned you have train friends. Recently one of my train friends found herself a new friend and I'm feeling left out. What should I do?
Buy a book.
* * *
The guy beside me has his music so loud, I can sing along.
Do it.
* * *
Do you really ride the GO train everyday?
Are you on medication?
* * *
OMG. You're hilarious. How can I be as funny as you?
Lobotomy.
* * *
Ever considered sending these texts to the site and have us write the replies? Good times.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I thought you were quiet rude in your replies with some of these people. But I guess I just have a different sense of humour than you.
ReplyDeleteAnyone who starts a sentence with the word "frankly" definitely has a different sense of humor than me. Were you holding a cigar when you wrote that? Better loosen that ascot around your neck!
ReplyDeleteOf course she was "quiet rude". It's text messaging.
ReplyDeleteOh snap! I should have finished my lunch before I read the post and comments... I now have bread crumbs all over the keyboard! Good thing I didn't spit water out my nose - that hurts!
ReplyDeletebuy a book....too funny!
ReplyDeleteI'm on the verge of asking a hot guy what his name is. And he's about 20 years younger than me. I can't believe I've sunk this low. I'm blaming it on the heat.
ReplyDelete