From the blog of Brendan Nelson
UK Blogger
A few days ago, on an Overground train from Highbury to Kensington, I had a shocking experience – I failed to get a seat.
If you know how crowded the Overground can get at rush hour, this might not sound all that surprising. Believe me, though, I was good at getting seats. I’d learnt the ropes and tend to overanalyse behaviour on public transport, so it had never been a problem. But I’d been away for a few weeks and my seat-acquisition skills had gone beyond rusty – they were useless.
So, as a form of therapy, I decided to try to work out the “rules” of the seat-acquisition game on the Overground. Here they are, in illustrated form.
The theatre of conflict
The Overground train arrives and dazed commuters spill on to the platform. Everyone stands aside to let them pass. But this act of kindness is the exception, not the rule. Once you all step into the carriage the competition for seats begins. You are now in a theatre of war.
Know your enemies
You share the strategic space of the carriage with many other players. Here’s a brief rundown of who they are:
Aspirants – People standing who want to sit down. This includes you.
Civilians – People standing who don’t want to sit down, maybe because they’re not going far.
Occupants – People currently sitting down. Don’t be fooled though: they’re still in the game.
In a typical combat situation (or “rush hour”) here’s how the players might be distributed across the theatre of conflict.
KEEP READING
My word, he sure put a lot of thought and effort into that. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI get the impression reading this blog that while the UK players are the same as we experience on GO Transit, the game is quite different. This article does not contemplate getting a seat on an empty train, when thousands of people are trying to pile through the doors at the same time. Subtlety and peripheral vision will not cut it at Union Station (or Bramalea, or if I am lead to believe what I read, Ajax, Whitby and Oakville). No, when an empty (or near-empty) train arrives to a station with more people waiting to board than there are available seats, one must employ a few key tactics to secure one of the prized ass-pillows:
ReplyDelete1. Find the students. This is key. You shoud avoid the student-commuter at all costs, not because they are loud, but because they are lazy. Students will almost never venture much more than about 50 feet from the stairs from which they ascended to the platform. This limits the coaches which they will board, and the keen commuter will avoid those coaches in favour of one which will have far more seats available (occasionally, seats will still be available once the train departs, even though lazy students are standing just one or two coaches over). At Bramalea, students will only, and I meanonly board the first 3-4 coaches of the train. Walking a little further down the platform will bear much more fruit in your seat-hunting journey.
2. Line-ups are for sissies. Don’t get in a 2-by-2 line with 50 other people. I’m a big fan of the courtesy, but let’s be honest: you know some other asshole is going to jump the queue, so you are wasting valuable time. All that the line accomplishes is an orderly procession to the door, not through the door. Once you and the person beside you pass that threshold of doom into the coach, it’s every man for himself. The person nearest the stairs may elect to cut across traffic and go towards the centre of the lower level, or visa versa. So why waste the time? Just crowd up to the door and shuffle your way in as quickly as possible. If you see a large person (either vertically, or horizontally), cozy up behind them as closely as you can without touching them. They can be your lead-blocker to seat glory.
3. Elbows out. Make yourself as wide as possible. This will minimize the likelihood of someone cutting you off, and maximize your chances of getting to a prized seating area before the more timid commuters.
4. Use the hand-holds to your advantage. A well-timed grab of the bars by the door to “assist” you in boarding can keep another aggressive commuter at bay. People will not think twice about cutting you off, but they may not be so keen as to shove your arm out of the way as you are trying to hold on as you board the train.
If you use these tactics, or ones like these, you should secure a seat more often than not. Happy hunting.
Nice Matt!
ReplyDeleteI must say, I do size-up the competition in the morning but usually it's the same faces and although we don't speak, you sense there is an "understanding".
There is a guy on my train home that drives me nuts and yesterday, he sat down beside me so I immediately got up and went to another seat. I'd like to think he realizes I hate his guts but I don't think he's that smart.