Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

I know Skin Man has been waiting on pins and needles for another text exchange and I promise not to disappoint!

The parentheses aren't mine. The person texting me actually typed those little descriptors in his text messages. I felt like I was having an IRC chat circa 1995.

I've stripped out the message headers ie. date & phone numbers so it flows better for you to read. My replies are in green.

***

hi (said in a slow drawl) (puts cowboy hat on)

WHAT?

howdy (inserts toothpick into mouth)

John Wayne is dead, dude.

you sure look good in them jeans but they'd look better on my floor (moves eyes slowly down your body)

Game on then.

do you like horses? whiskey? good country music?

Yes. Yes and yes.

Several minutes roll by ...

(grabs your wrist, slide it up alongside my head, push into a tango position) i hope you dance.

Hate that song.

(quiet chuckle) you're good. (whispers in your ear) dinner is by candlelight, come with me to the dining room.

Is this where I roll 6 for strength?

are you feeling weak in the knees?

No, but I am feeling something in my stomach.

(quiet chuckle) butterflies are completely natural.

This is more like cramps.

aw, well, i can take care of that (fetches hot water bottle from bathroom)

It's more like nausea. Let me guess, you're gonna text-pantomime getting on your horse, clopping over to Shoppers Drug Mart and "fetching" me some Gravol.

lol. you got it.

(roll eyes)

that's better. why not just play along? no harm done.

Dude, I'm already past GO. You, on the other hand, should go directly to jail.

if loving you is a crime, then baby, i'll do the time.

Hey, I've got a great line for you to use on the next person you randomly text message.

i didn't randomly text message you. i know who you are.

Awesome. Anyway, write this down, or pantomime that you're writing it down: "I've got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it. Coz I'm sexy and I know it".

i like.

Me too.

can we get back to our dinner and dance now?

Sorry, I don't like cowboys. Didn't your mamma tell you not to be one when you grew up?

(laughing) no. i figured you'd find this funny.

I do. In a creepy way. Still makes me want to bathe in bleach, tho.

:(

Oh cheer up. You get a branded "A" on the ass for effort.

:)

Okay, that's enough now.

:-p

No tongue.

<:)?

What's that?

sexy pirate.

What does that have to do with cowboys?

i can't draw a cowboy with letters and punctuation.

I can. Give me a bit. What's your email. It may not work in text message.

ok. xxxxxx@gmail.com

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gold stars!!! but you stopped at the waist. i wanted to see this 'passion in my pants' you mentioned.

Oh, sorry. I can't make my text that small.