The following conversation is real

Today

By Telephone

Yours Truly with random GO Customer Care representative

Long-winded pre-recorded introductory message.
Repeat long-winded pre-recorded introductory message in french.

Hit "0"

Waiting ...

GO: Good day, (name withheld) speaking. How may I help you?

CJ: Oh hi, I'm calling because I want to discuss the thermostat configuration within your coaches.

GO: Sorry?

CJ: It's too hot in the trains.

GO: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. We are having rather unusual warm weather.

CJ: Yes, unexpected for March, I know, but I'm curious, when the temperature is set for the coaches, don't the CSAs or the conductor lick their index finger and stick it out the window and gauge the weather? Who the heck thought it was a good idea to set the thermostats to "broil"?

GO: (Chuckling...) Well no, that's not how it works, they would have an idea of the temperature outside.

CJ: My concern is that last week it was so hot on the train I was on, that I nearly passed out. Then I was told that the coaches are set by some Oompa Loompas in some magical yard to 22C. Is that true? Because that's way too hot. I don't even set my home furnace to that.

GO: I'm not sure how the interior temperature is established but you can always visit the CSA in the accessibility coach to mention your discomfort.

CJ: No dice. That didn't work last week so I am calling. In advance. I'm concerned about this Wednesday. It's supposed to be 26C.

GO: Can I ask what train you take? What line?

CJ: Lakeshore East.

GO: Do you remember what day exactly and the time it was too hot?

CJ: March 13th. 5:10 LSE. Heat was CRANKED. I even tweeted the GO Transit Twitter hamster. I know it's a hamster, because after my tweet, the wheel stopped spinning. Hamster was dead. Ask it a question that requires an answer. Boom! Road kill.

GO: (Silence)

CJ: So ... do you think, in this modern age, you can do me a HUGE favour and make sure the crew of today's 5:10 LSE sets the thermostat at 18C and actually switches to cool air. Not hot air?

GO: You're actually serious?

CJ: Yes. Can I have your word? Pretend you're a medieval knight and not the kind that do that fake jousting at the CNE while people shove chicken legs into their mouths. A real knight. Like Mel Lastman in that movie.

GO: Uh ... don't you mean Mel Gibson and he wasn't a knight. I'm pretty sure he was a soldier.

CJ: Whatever. But he kept his word, right?! We shall have our freedom and all that. Well, I want my freedom to be air conditioning.

GO: (Laughing ... ) You made my day. Just for you, I will see what I can do. Okay?

CJ: I just want my ride home to be comfortable.

GO: Absolutely. It would be my honour.

Other pleasantries exchanged as well as personal info.

He thought I was kidding when I said I'd be bringing a thermometer on board to hold him to his promise.

UPDATE!!!

So (name withheld) got back to me and as it turns out all the trains are pre-programmed to a set temperature and can not be adjusted until March 20th - the first official day of Spring.

Until then, we must all suffer.

I can not explain why or how other commuters managed to get CSAs to adjust the temperatures in coaches but it is apparently true that at the service/maintenace yard, the thermostats are set to a pre-programmed temperature that can't be changed until a certain date. Similar, said the CSA, to how buildings have a schedule.

Again, this the first time the system has had to deal with summer temperatures in what is essentially winter. There's no mandate in place because no one ever thought it would get this hot.

Bring water. Dress in layers. Think cool thoughts.

UPDATE #2!!!

So apparently, on the 4:10 LSE, the air conditioning is running as I received two text messages from two different people in two different coaches that the train is blowing cold air.

Ok, (name withheld), I'm coming to collect. I don't know what I'm collecting. But it will be something.