I spy with my little eye ...

Someone who is GUILTY. As charged.

Over the years (all three of them) I've received the odd emails and text messages from GO Transit patrons who stumble onto this site through whatever means (usually a Google search for methods to carry-out GO Transit fare evasion) and take it upon themselves to defend or justify their rude train behaviour. For these people to have discovered themselves, they would have had to browse my site for hours and wade through over 2,300 posts. This is why I never take the accusations seriously. I've watched Punk'd.

Last night I received a phone call, yes, a phone call, allegedly from this woman. 

I had just gotten home when my cell rang. It was a 416 number and since I have Toronto friends, I answered it. I was shirking off my purse when my ear was assaulted by a woman screaming through the receiver. I had to put the person on speaker so I could avoid further auditory abuse.

Girl was AN-GRY.

She was demanding my home address so she could send over her biker brother who apparently wrestles cows in farm fairs, or something like that, to talk to me about all the laws I broke by taking her picture and putting it up on the internet. She resented that I called her a dirty turnip, saying I must do this stuff to make myself feel better about being trailer trash, and said that I was sick in the head for setting her on fire (for real).

Oh dear.

I handed the phone to my cattorney, Georgie Greyskull, who sniffed at it and then promptly laid down on it. I could hear the woman continuing to yell while I inspected the grilled chicken Ceasar salad my hubby had made for dinner.

Eventually Georgie got up and wandered over to his food dish and had a snack. The woman continued to yell.

My daughter came downstairs and asked me if I could update an app on her iPod. All of a sudden there was silence from my phone. A few seconds later, a more calm sounding voice asked, "Hello".

"Hello," I replied, handing my daughter her iPod and sending her back upstairs. "Well," said the woman. "Are you going to delete my picture?"

I told her she needed to email me a link. She said she did. I flipped open the laptop we keep in the kitchen, just an old thing I use for recipes, signed in to my email and clicked on her link. Then I grabbed my phone from the floor in my front hall and carried it to the kitchen table.

"Interesting," I said, "So you don't feel you were doing anything that would be objectionable to other passengers?"

She tells me she was just riding the train and riding the train like "any person who paid to do does".

"So you bought three tickets?" I asked her.

"No," she said. "Why would I buy three f---ing tickets?"

"Because all of your stuff is spread across three seats," I reply, continuing to eat my dinner.

"So ..." she says, "First come, first serve."

"Excuse me," I say, putting down my fork. "That's exactly why your photo found its way onto my site and why I photoshopped flames on you. Your attitude stinks. You are a selfish, self-absorbed person who clearly doesn't have a lick of consideration for others or the fact that manners and courtesy mean something in society."

Expecting a profanity-laced response, I moved my phone closer to me on the table. Instead, she told me she would "see my ass in court" and hung up.

So I called her back and got her voicemail. I told her to have her lawyer email me and to execute legal action by Friday afternoon as my lawyer has an appointment to have all of his body hair shaved off on Saturday and will be spending all of next week licking every inch of his skin as he struggles to figure out what happened. He simply won't have time to handle her demands.

Of course, I always assume I'm being trolled and nothing is ever legit, but I follow through, people. I follow through like the boss that I am.