I had to get off the bus before I could learn the outcome of whether Michelle would let Roger back into the apartment

It's one thing to be subjected to a fellow passenger's one-sided phone call on the train, it's a whole different vantage point when your fellow passenger is conducting a phone call on the bus. People talk louder and the phone call is typically more personal, more outlandish, and worthy of a Spanish telenovela.

Tonight, and as always, once we hit downtown Oshawa - it's always downtown Oshawa when the drama boards - this man climbed onto the bus with his phone pressed firmly to his ear and a worried look etched across his face. He sat down right next to me. He looked like a Roger, so Roger it is for the sake of this story.

Roger was incredibly stressed. While taking advantage of the free WiFi at Tim Horton's he had discovered that Michelle had updated her Facebook status to having moved in the guy she had been seeing into the apartment she had shared with Roger. Some guy named Ty who lived in Haliburton but was now living with Michelle which meant Roger was now homeless because Diane called him and told him Michelle told her that the landlord changed the locks and Roger had no place to live even though his half of the rent was paid up until the end of the month AND he had some guy's car down in the garage which he no longer has a key to that he was fixing and now he has to call the guy and tell him this weekend wasn't gonna happen AND he needed the person on the other end of the line to go on Facebook and check out what other crap Michelle had been writing about him or this guy from Haliburton and to confirm that he was definitely homeless AND he had just bought two new cartons of smokes which he doubts he will see again because he probably doesn't have a home and he's pretty sure the new gitch he just got at Walmart is gone too because if this Ty guy needs gitch he can just help himself to the new gitch - Roger's gitch. He kept asking this person, "Do you know how hard it is to find good quality gitch?"

Let me just stop here. I had to interrupt my game of Candy Crush to urban dictionary the word "gitch". It's underwear.

The bus was quiet. We all were kept in suspense while we waited for Roger's friend to get onto Facebook and tell us what Michelle had been up to since this guy left Tim Horton's and if he'd be able to get back into the apartment. I wanted to know more about this gitch she was holding hostage. I'm not a man. I don't know why no longer having access to underwear, especially new underwear, is so distressing - Roger was in agony over it. Good quality gitch is really important to him.

I'll admit, I was facing the window trying so hard to keep it together and as I write this, I am CRYING because I am laughing so hard. Poor Roger. Left out in the cold with no smokes or gitch. Oh the humanity!

I considered taking the bus all the way to Newcastle so I could learn the outcome but sadly, chose to get off in Courtice, and thus, never did learn what else Michelle had to say about Roger, or his gitch.