Over the course of last winter and the fall before, I had gotten to know Harry who traveled three times a week on my GO bus into Toronto to visit his wife, Milly, who was living in a seniors home in the east end, receiving end of life care. Harry didn't want her there. His children made this decision. He knew it was for the best, but it killed him to be away from her. Three times a week on the GO was all he could afford...
Talking to Harry often broke my heart.
Last night, while I was out for a bike ride, I zoomed off my route to come down Townline Road, that separates Courtice from Oshawa, and spotted Harry as he stood on the corner at Highway 2. I came to a screeching stop. I was so happy to see him. I hadn't seen him since changing my morning bus routine in April.
His eyes brightened and then his smile faded... And I knew.
"When?" I asked.
"June," he said.
I put my bike down and asked him if he wanted a drink from the McDonalds nearby. He shook his head no.
And then I hugged him. I hugged him so hard, right there, at this busy intersection that I thought his bones would break.
"I just need to go to the bank," he told me after I let go. I said I would go with him. We walked over to the TD together, with me pushing my bike, and I waited for him outside. I had so many questions. What happens now? Who is going to take care of him? Is he moving? Does he have help? Who mows his lawn?
I didn't have grandparents. I also had to remind myself his business is not mine. And then suddenly, I felt awkward standing there, sweaty, and really, a total stranger.
When Harry came out of the bank, he asked me how my daughter was. "Fine... she's great..." I trailed off. I then I apologized to him if he felt I was intruding on his time.
"You're my friend," he said. "Come, walk me to the lights, I can tell you about Milly's service."
I don't know how many green lights came and went but eventually I had to leave because I promised my daughter we'd swim together for a bit before bedtime.
I asked Harry for his phone number and stored it in my phone.
I'm going to take him out for a pint one night next week.
19 comments:
A lady talking a man out for a beer? I bet you not in Harry's day!!!
Sweet story. Surprising -- really -- since you're usually "intense" and "bitter". Oh ... and don't forget "petty".
I couldn't help myself. Don't hate.
Oh I'll *talk a man out of his beer all right...
But I am all those things. I don't deny it. But I am many more things too. Those who love me know what I am capable of. That's all that matters.
You have such a kind heart CJ. What you did for Harry probably meant the world to him. Hearing what you did makes my heart melt.
Thank you. I appreciate your kind words. Harry and I are going to own the bar. Good times for sure!
CJ, this is you. Kindness through and through. I'm certain Harry loved every minute you shared with him.
You have a swimming pool?
^ I have a private lake. Are you coming over?
That made me tear up! You are very kind and I'm sure made Harry's day. Your beer date will be the highlight of his week, I'm sure. Good for you for caring!
What a kind thing you've done, Cindy - not just the other day but throughout the time you spent getting to know Harry during what was obviously a very tough period for him.
I find myself feeling very badly that Harry's wife was in LTC not in his area. I hope that the grown children who selected this location were nearby and visited often.
IMO, it's outrageous that the cost of public transit is so high that this senior (obviously living in a fixed income, and paying for LTC) had to limit his visits to his dying wife. Both my mother and my in-laws are at a distance and in similar circumstances and the distance is not ideal, but it's extra sad to know that Harry would no doubt have spent every day there if not for the steep price tag.
So nice that Harry truly sees you as a friend - I am certain he'll be very glad to have an afternoon or evening out with someone who he knows truly cares about him.
Hi Nora
I actually offered a few times to drive Harry on the weekends when I'd be visiting my parents, drop him off, and pick him up on the way back. I can only assume pride, shame that he could no longer drive himself, or stubbornness prevented him from agreeing. Not knowing where he lives (other than the general area of the Courtice/Oshawa border), I couldn't gently force the issue by spontaneously showing up one Saturday morning.
He's actually a pretty quiet gentlemen. I don't know much about his children other than his son lives in East York.
I will tell you I always got the sense he was quite lonely but let me tell you, Harry is a true gentlemen... who offered his seat to women who boarded the bus and is just an all round nice man. I can't even remember why we started chatting or what triggered it, but he carries a weathered photo of Milly in wallet and when he first showed it to me, and when he said, "This is how I will always remember her... laughing and dancing ... " OH MY GOSH. I had to look away because of the tears.
Yes please!
Yes to ...?
Swimming in your private lake. How about after work? (I got my Speedos on under my suit)
Hubby says he'd like to keep the lake private...
We should definitely find a way to lighten Harry's life...Too many elderly men and women are "quite lonely" and I suspect that, in his current state of bereavement he might well fall further into that state without some gentle encouragement...
The Oshawa Senior Citizens Centres run day programs as well as other programs (clubs etc.) - a friend says her father has been attending for years and loves the interaction with others, the groups and the programs. Something he might find interesting if time is heavy.
CJ I think it's great that you took an interest this way and took the time to stop and talk. Everyone is so busy and rushed these days - we need more time spent just being a good community.
I totally agree. I will talk to him tactfully.
Just a comment regarding the choice of location of the LTC facility : maybe there was no choice.
My MIL has been on a waiting list for about three years now, and the two options that became available during that time were in Millbrook and Cobourg. We are north of Newmarket and her daughter is in Oshawa, as is she.
Fortunately we have been able to keep her in a retirement home in Oshawa, but not everyone has the money to afford that option.
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